Wednesday, April 24, 2024

LOOKA LEW: Imagination gone wild


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LISTEN, don’t laugh cause it could happen to you.

The other morning, I nipped outside to the car wearing just a underwear to retrieve a pen. My wife, who was on her way to drop off the daughter to school, passed me rummaging through the car and drove off.

Anyhow, realising that time was getting away, I decided that I should head back inside and get ready for work. But guess what happen? I could not get inside the house.

When my family was leaving they locked the door and left me outside in a bare underwear and all o’ my keys and the cell phone lock up inside the house.

So a mind told me to run across by my neighbour fast and beg for a phone call and see if I could get the wife to come back quick and let me in.

I quickly tiptoed across the road to my neighbour’s house. His car was not there but his wife’s car was in the garage, but just as I was about to knock on the door my overactive imagination kicked in.

I said, Lew boy, you doing foolishness. This man ain’t home, suppose his wife let you in the house to use the phone, and suppose she did now come out the bath and wearing a towel, and you in this man’s house in only a underwear next to his wife in a towel, and suppose this man happened to swing back home sudden and catch you, what you gine do?

’Cause I pictured it the other way ’round. I said Lew boy, how would you feel to swing back home sudden and see your neighbour in your house wearing only a underwear and your wife standing next to him in a towel?

Plus, and this is a big plus, my neighbour is a big strapping man and he is a chef. He does work with knives and I have seen him in action with his knives. He got knives that so sharp that if he pass them through the wind the wind would start to bleed. I real serious, that man got a li’l knife that so sharp it could cut water in half.

Not only that, but he got some meat cleavers too, them big chopping knives that they does use to chop up meat and bones. And he got a big meat mallet, it look like a big hammer with nuff prongs on the hammer head part that he does use to hammer and soften up meat.

Boy look, there and then I catch cold bumps when I study him hitting me on top of my head with that meat hammer.

So I say Lew boy, if you know what is good for you, you would turn around fast and go back home before this man swing back and catch you.

But just as I was leaving, I saw two women walking coming up the gap, and I said, Lew boy, this ain’t look good, suppose these women had to see you leaving your neighbour’s house in a bare underwear?

Knowing Bajans, before I could get across the road, the whole neighbourhood gine know that the man wasn’t home and them catch me leaving his wife house in a bare underwear. So I duck down close to the wall ’till them pass, then I quickly ran back across the road to my house.

Luckily for me my wife turned up about an hour later and let me in. See ya.

E-mail: twitter @madderic


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