NOT ME! I ain’t looking greedy and lickrish for nobody but myself.
Imagine this: I at a buffet thing. I went and get fix up with some pork, chicken, souse, rice, more pork, and some kinda salt fish pie, and sat down at a table with a female friend to eat.
When we done polish off this bittle, the woman turn and say the pie eat real good, and smile and ask me if I could go back to the buffet table for some more pie for her.
Well, the first thing I did was to check to see if anybody had stolen her two feet while we were there eating.
Then I asked her in pure Bajan: “So wuh wrong wid your two feet that you can’t go for it yourself?” And she gine allow me to know that she too shame, ’cause people does be watching and she don’t want nobody to feel that she lickrish.
And before she could done speaking, a lady who had now left the buffet table with her food passed by. And let me tell you, that woman had enough food on her plate to feed an elephant for a week.
You could see she was a professional eatist by the way she managed to get all that food hold on the plate without any falling off. In fact, the only thing she ain’t had on the plate to eat was something to drink.
Anyhow, my friend whispered to me: “You see what I tell you? Look at how everybody looking at that woman.” And she wasn’t lying.
But would you believe, having just said all of that, she gine still beg me to go back for more pie for her? Her thing was that I is a man so nobody ain’t looking at me, plus men ain’t got no shame.
But the thing is, I wanted to go back for li’l more souse for me, as much as possible without looking greedy, but if I took up pie for her now, it meant I had to walk across the room holding two plates and that would really look lickrish.
’Cause I know how these things does go: I would go back for more souse for me and pie for her and that same night when she in her bed sleeping peacefully, my name, not hers, would be getting lick all across Barbados.
I could imagine it now: a husband and wife lying in bed and all of a sudden wifey turns to her husband and say: “Hon, that fella Eric Lewis real lickrish though. You see de amount o’ food he had?”
And I imagine the husband replying: “He ain’t got no shame at all. He eat all that food and then went back for more souse and pie. He mussee vomit like a dog when he get home.”
So unable to convince her that we should both go to the buffet table together, I decided not to go back for any more souse, simply because I didn’t plan on gine back for any pie for her and making myself look lickrish.
But would you believe she asked another man to go and get more pie for her and he went and got it?
So I said, well she got her pie – now is the time for me to go and get my souse. But when I went back looking for souse, all did gone.
Guess what happen. The man who brought back the pie for her took the last set o’ souse for himself. And she laughed and said to me: “It serve yuh right.”
Boy look, you can’t do anything with a woman. Them born to live. See ya.