Dear Christine,
I am not from your country but would love to share this situation with you.
Just about three months ago, I found out that my husband had a three-year affair with my “very young” sister. The affair apparently began with my husband raping her, but she didn’t disclose it and didn’t discourage him when he approached her again for sex.
At first he denied everything. He had always been basically a good husband and father, so I believed his denial. When I found out it really happened, I told him it was disgusting and could land him in jail. He apologized, saying it was a “mistake’” and asked me to forgive him. I couldn’t accept his apology and filed for legal separation.
He calls me daily asking for forgiveness and begging me to take him back. My friends, who don’t know the whole sordid story, say I should forgive him and take him back. My family says it’s the “Christian thing to do”.
I don’t miss him, don’t like him and don’t want him back. But I have no moral support except for our children, who don’t want me to take him back.
In spite of my feelings, I’m considering letting him come back to get him and everyone else off my back, and also because I’m afraid I will be alone the rest of my life.
I’m completely self-supporting financially, so that is not the issue. What would you do if you were in such a position?
– U.I.
Dear U.I.,
I would definitely forgive him, but taking him back would be an entirely different matter.
I just could not, would not.
In fact, if he raped your sister, that rape should have been reported to the police and charges filed, including charges of sexual abuse. Your sister also needs to be counselled.
Forget the friends and family who are begging you to take him back. They do not have to live with him. Furthermore, you should never consider taking him back just to get them and him off your back. Stick to your principles and follow through with the legal separation.
In the meantime, ask yourself this question: why did it take three years for him to know what he was doing was a mistake?
– CHRISTINE
