IF LOVE is the emotion that fuels people’s affection for each other, then sex is the glue that can bring them closer together or cause them to separate.There is enough research, both scientific and anecdotal, to show that intercourse plays an integral part in relationships. And usually, the better the sex, the more a couple is drawn to each other. The problem is, many people complain that their sex life is boring or non-existent and they look to outside stimuli, like blue movies, to spice it up. The success of this strategy is debatable, however, because for anything to work it must be fully subscribed to by both partners.This week’s double-barrelled question – What can I do to get my boyfriend to stop watching blue movies? What can I do to convince him that I love him the way he is and his trying to do what he sees done in these movies doesn’t make him a better lover? – deals with one such case. The female caller explained: “My boyfriend and I were living together for nearly three years and he is a real good man and father. We plan to marry soon but there is a problem – he loves to watch blue movies while I can’t stand them.” Hence our question.The fact that we received numerous responses, either dismissing the man or suggesting that the woman should be more understanding, suggests the differences of opinion on the watching of X-rated movies in general.Research done in the United States has shown that some couples, in trying to duplicate the scenes they watch, actually improve their lovemaking. But that is a minority. For the vast majority the sex may become more varied but the relationship still withers and dies.Spice in the bedroomAnd that latter point is key to this whole issue. As far as we’re concerned, unless a couple has sound communication and can honestly discuss their individual challenges, then no matter what is used to add spice in the bedroom will not work over the long term.The following are edited versions of responses:
Sounds like she’s not adventurous enough in the bedroom. She should watch the porn with him and try out some of those positions to improve her skills. This is 2010; a woman should know how to please her man and a man should know how to please his woman.
Enjoy the variety that he is bringing to you. We tend to get too stuck in our ways, not willing to try new stuff. After a while, we get bored and the first thing we do is to go outside. Well, he is not interested in going outside and for this you should be glad.
Don’t knock it, just make sure the movies don’t consume your intimacy; but getting a few tips and learning some new tricks can’t hurt.
There is no cuddling, laughter or admiration in those kinds of movies. Build your bond, and when he starts to value that, then make your request to get rid of the movies. He will understand that he does not need fancy stunts for you both to have a good time.
Many women complain about the pathetic ineptness of their menfolk, through ignorance, in regards to sexual matters, including some in long-term marriages. However, I have never heard a woman complain that her man was too knowledgeable about sexual matters and too capable of giving her pleasure. “Where do the ideas and knowledge come from? This woman simply needs to tell her man, “You’re trying too hard. You’re turning it into a competition. It can be fun but lovemaking is a communion between two people, not a sport”. Of course she needs to do it without deflating his ego.
The man is a pervert; porn does nothing for couples . . . it is totally disgusting. The same way he is crazy about porn he will be crazy about other women.
Porn is just another addiction . . . . just like many others. Don’t waste your time with this man. It is not about you; he has issues. Nobody needs to watch porn to be good in bed. Sex is natural. A wise woman once said: “Be a lady in the living room and a whore in the bedroom”. That is, you must be creative and find exciting ways to spice up the love life and add heat to the bedroom. Sex is not meant to be vulgar, lewd and disgusting like the way some in the sex industry portray it. He may be addicted. Find out why he seeks porn. Is there inadequacy on your part or his, and if so what can you do to help each other?
