Dear Christine,
I hope this reaches you in the name of the Lord.
I’m at a cross road and don’t know where to turn. Me and my boyfriend of almost three years recently broke up, and I still find myself thinking of him and worrying if he is okay. I know that he still has feelings for me and I for him. I think that if we tried it could work out.
Some of my friends are telling me to give up and move on, but a part of me still wants to try to work it out and see if we could get back together.
I love this man with all my heart; we went through a lot together from the loss of a child to me finding out that I have herpes and unknowingly gave it to him. What should I really do – give up or try to make it work?
– Lost and Confused
Dear Lost and Confused,
It is natural that you would miss your boyfriend as the two of you did a lot together. Most notably, you conceived a child together and shared an incurable sexually transmitted infection.
You don’t indicate why the two of you parted ways and whether your present relationship is amicable or strained.
Based on you declaring your love for him still, I suspect that the separation was not your idea, and if my assumptions are right, you are obviously still hurting at not being able to be with the man you love.
Breaking up is hard, particularly if you really care for the individual. The fact that he/she wants out of the relationship does not diminish that yearning. But you have to realise that with all the love you have within you for someone, you can’t make them love you or even want to be with you.
Again, you don’t say if the split came about because you gave him herpes. If this is the source of discord between you it is understandable that he would be running scared.
That said, you did not purposely set out o give him, so he should take that into consideration. He also needs to realise that herpes can be managed with the appropriate medication and that he can still have a healthy sex life, as long as he educates himself about the disease and is responsible in his actions going forward.
You too need to educate yourself about herpes and get the appropriate medication to effectively manage it.
L&C, you need to realise that you should not have intercourse with anyone without the use of a condom.
Indeed, no one should have sex with a man or woman unless they have some idea of their sexual disease status.
Therefore, if you want to become intimate with someone, and he/she with you, then both of you should get the necessary blood tests. I know this sounds like a lot of effort, but it’s your life you’re playing Russian roulette with if you don’t.
Be patient with your ex. Call or text him and let him know that you still love him and would like to try to patch up things between you.
If the two of you have not discussed the situation fully. When he has vented, and provided you are still interested in a relationship, let him know this and leave it up to him to respond.
If he feels the same he will eventually come around.
I hope this helps.
– Christine
