I WAS ONCE like the woman who admitted in the I Confess of November 20 that she wanted her own man. I too went to church, kept myself to myself, trusted God and prayed for Mr Right to come along.
But after six years’ waiting in vain, I gave in to my feelings and went with a man who had been pursuing me for years. But our love affair had to be hidden as he was still married and living with his wife. Because of that fact I hated myself for falling for him the way I did, but I could not resist his advances anymore. I just wanted someone to show me how much they appreciated me for being me.
I had so much pent-up emotion that I did things with him that I never did before. And the more sex we had together, the more I wanted. He and I did it so much that he was no use to himself when he got home.
It came to the point that his wife, who was my good friend, began complaining about his never having time for her, and she began to suspect he had someone else. But I convinced her that he loved her too much for that and that the extra work he told her he was doing was the cause.
To ensure she believed that, I gave him money, $300 twice a month – as that was how he was paid – to take home to his wife so she could see the fruits of his labour, so to speak. I did that for four months.
In total, our affair lasted just less than seven months. The sex was okay but the companionship, if that is what I could call the few hours we spent together at least four days a week, never filled that void I was crying out for, just like you are now.
By then, too, the novelty of it all was wearing off and I felt as if I was cheating myself of finding true happiness. No matter how I tried to excuse myself and rationalize what I was doing, the fact was that I had another woman’s husband. And that was wrong, immoral and wicked. I felt really “stink” about what I was doing. I would never want another woman to do to me what I was doing to her. So I sent him packing and have never done anything like that since.
It has now been three years and some months that I walked away from that sinful life, and I have no regrets. I still don’t have a man of my own, but I believe that God will ensure I meet my Mr Right. I am presently going out with someone and I am taking it slow as I have no intention of ever letting myself go like that again. I want this man to want my company as a friend first and learn to value me as an individual rather than just as a plaything for sex.
I’m telling my story so that you would realize you are not alone in your feelings, and if you give in to them, how horrible you will feel because it would not be the right thing. So hold on; don’t make my mistake. I’m sure there’s a good man out there for you.