Dear Christine,
I am in a real dilemma and need advice.
I fell in love with a married man and we had a brief affair. We only got together a handful of times because we both knew what we were doing was wrong, and neither of us felt comfortable about it. So we agreed not to do that again, but remained friends ever since.
A funny thing happened after that. As friends we got even closer because we simply seem to understand each other so well.
We get on so well that after five years we still talk for more than an hour on the phone some days about any and everything.
And I know him so well that I can tell when he is upset and needs encouragement, and he instinctively knows when I need similar treatment.
Because we click as we do, I found it impossible to have someone in my life, while his marriage – which was rocky when we first met – is now all but over as he and his wife are now separated.
Since they split up we have began spending more time together and I want him as a man again, and he wants me too. In fact, he wants us to get married after their two years of being separated is over and he can just file for divorce.
I should feel happy about this because I am getting what I have been secretly praying for, but I keep feeling that he may cheat on me too. He tells me I am crazy to even be thinking this given everything we have been through together, but I can’t help it.
Do you think I have reasons to be scared?
– HS
Dear HS,
Your conscience is obviously pricking you, that’s why you are so fearful.
The fact is, you had an affair with this man while he was living with his wife and now you are set to replace her, you feel that the same thing could happen to you.
The fact too that the two of you were in constant touch, even though you were not being intimate, would have served as a distraction for him to try to reconcile with his wife.
So your concerns are understandable given your history together.
But if what you said about your present relationship is factual, I don’t think you need to worry unduly.
Based on what you said about the level of communication between you, and the fact that each of you recognise when you are doing wrong, my gut feeling is that you’ll be happy together after such a long time being friends. I wish both of you well.
– Christine