Dear Nesta,
Chile, I got a new pastime dese mornin’s! Befo’ I get down to muh daily duties, I tek a seat at de winder to watch de passers-by ’pon duh way to wuk! An’ I been noticin’ evahbody, widout exception, dat pass by my winder got two poses.
Eiduh one o’ duh han’s coverin’ one ear – de firs time I notice it, I t’ought de ’oman was sufferin’ from earache – an’ duh mout’ gine at 90 knots a hour, or else duh walkin’ wid duh head ben’ as ef duh searchin’ ’pon de groun’ fuh somet’ing – not really noticin’ whey duh walkin’ – an’ duh two t’umbs gine at de same 90 knots a hour.
It is eiduh duh mout’s or duh t’umbs wukkin, but yuh could bet one t’ing: duh usin’ dah cellphone! It en no wonder summuch gossip an’ rumour does tek place. De onlies’ time mos’ people mout’s does get a res’ is when duh sleepin’!
Now I en sayin’ a cellphone en useful, but dere’s a time an’ a place fuh mos’ t’ings! De ethuh day I was waitin’ in line at a bank. (You know I en got no money, so you wanta know wuh I was doin’ in dey, right? Suffice it to say, I din wearin’ no mask nor had a gun in muh han’).
Anyway, behin’ muh in dis line was a young fella talkin’ ’pon ’e cellphone. Now dah en neffin onusual; it happen all de time. But wuh mek me tek notice was de ringin’ o’ anethuh phone in he right-side pants pocket when he did still talkin’ ’pon de firs’ phone. He stop fuh a minute, look at it, turn it off an’ went back to de firs’ caller, only to get interrup’ agen by anethuh cellphone, dis time in de ethuh pocket. An’ would you believe it, he had a fourf one in ’e shirt pocket, but, praise Chris’, dis one din ring!
Dat fella had four phones, t’ree o’ dem, all wid diff’rent tones, ringin’ one after de ethuh. An’ from wuh I could notice – it was only a quick glance ’cause I din want ’e to t’ink I was tryin’ to get in ’e bizness – all o’ dem phones was BlackBerrys!
I know one when I see it, ’cause sence my nighber gran’son gi’e she one fuh she birfday, she is now a BlackBerry expert ’pon all de diff’rent types, soul! Jes’ a big show off, ’cause she know I en got one, an’ en likely to get one neiduh!
Dis young fella wid summuch phones mek muh begin to wonder wuh kin’ o’ bizness a young boy like he could be in to need four phones, t’ree o’ duh ringin’ all de time!
I know yuh shun judge a book by de cover, but he din strike me as one o’ Rockefeller sons! As far as I was concern, all dem phones ringin’ in de bank wid he talkin’ as loud as evuh was jes’ a nuisance!
Drivin’ an’ talkin’ ’pon de phone at de same time is a mos’ dangerous t’ing to do, an’ I would risk to bet dat half de time it en necessary! Philomena nearly get wipe off de road las’ Sarrduh! A car come ’roun’ de curve real close to whey she was stannin’ up an’ when she look, de driver had one han’ ’pon de wheel while de ethuh was holin’ ’e cellphone to ’e ear, so he concentration an’ control was somewhey else!
De Jamaican aut’orities passin’ a law to stop dat foolishness. Ef yuh get ketch doin’ it, yuh gine get “persecute”! De way I see people drivin’ an’ chattin’ ’pon duh cell mek muh wonder ef we got dah law. Ef it hey, time to put it to wuk!
Wait – I hearin’ a strange n’ise! s my lan’line ringin’! LIME fix it – at las’! Wuhlaw!! Tek care o’ yuhselfYuh frien’ Babsie