Dear Christine,My dad died suddenly seven weeks ago, and up to now I just can’t seem to stop crying; I just can’t seem to help myself. Every time I sit and think about him I just burst out crying.
I am grieving so much that I have not been to work in all of this time. My doctor thinks that I am suffering from depression and has put me on antidepressants, and this in turn has me feeling more down.
My problem is that my boyfriend does not seem to understand the difficult time I am going through. He says that as my father was elderly, I should have expected something to happen to him at some point.
And so, for the last few weeks, we have had a number of arguments about how I need to “start acting like a big woman” and pulling myself together.
But, Christine, I feel so bad about my father that I can’t help myself. I know my boyfriend means well and is just trying to get me to stop acting so silly, but I miss my father so much.
How long will his death continue to affect me in this way? I don’t know what to do with myself. Please, what can I do to get over this?
– N.D.
Dear N.D.,
The loss of a loved one is often a very traumatic affair, and when that person dies suddenly, it is even more difficult to take.
Your reaction is therefore understandable, particularly if the two of you were very close.
Admittedly, seven weeks grieving in the manner in which you are doing, and to the point that you have not been able to work, is beyond how the average person generally responds.
But none of us can say it is excessive because your reaction is based on your close relationship with your father, together with how you handle stressful situations.
You are therefore not being silly.
I urge you to seek out a bereavement counsellor who should be able to assist you through this difficult period. One number I can suggest is is 437-3630.
Lastly, though your boyfriend may mean well by trying to encourage you to snap out of your grief, but the manner in which he has been going about it is wrong.
He was insensitive to say that because your father was elderly you should have expected anything at sometime.
And he is equally out of line to tell you to act like a big woman.
Clearly, he does not comprehend the depth of your feelings over your dad’s death and needs to be much more sensitive if he hopes to get through to you.
N.D,. I urge you to seek counselling on this matter, as that is your best hope for a speedy acceptance of your sad loss. I hope this helps.
– Christine.
