Dear Christine,
Why is it that women today who are independent, own their own homes and are climbing their way up the corporate ladder continue to let married men make fools of them?
I have a best friend who is involved with a married man and he works in the construction industry.
She spends the majority of time at work either doing his office work for him, chatting to him on her Blackberry, or crying and moaning over something or the other. This takes away from her office duties and then I have to pick up the slack, so as to get our work submitted on time.
The reason for writing this letter is that as a best friend and someone who cares about her, I am tired of seeing her hurting and unhappy all the time. It is slowly destroying our friendship and hurting her work ethic.
I have repeatedly told her that being in these types of relationships always end in heartache for the female. The man always moves on.
What’s more, dirty emails have also been making their way into the office from this man’s wife and her friends, so the office is abuzz.
What more can I say or do to make her end this relationship that has her so unhappy?
– CARING?BEST FRIEND
Dear Caring Best Friend:
Sometimes people have to hit rock bottom before they realise their mistakes and begin pulling themselves together. Your friend seems to be one such person.
After all, you have been talking to her about the folly that she is doing. You would have also told her how her preoccupation with this married man’s work, and the emotional roller coaster she is on with him is affecting her job performance.
And with the “dirty emails” coming into your office from the man’s wife, it is clear that what she is doing is known and continuing the relationship will not be easy.
But, if in the face of all of that she does not see it fit or have the strength to pull out from that relationship, then you have to leave her until she is ready to do something about the situation.
I commend you for having the common sense to recognise the futility of becoming involved with a married man. It is something that many women do for love, but rarely do these men ever leave their wives for their outside women. Yet, sadly, it continues to happen.
Of course, I recognise that some single females become involved with married men for financial security – but this is not the case here.
All I can suggest is to continue being there for your friend, though it may be frustrating telling her the same thing each day, and not seeing her make an attempt to change her life.
The way she is going she is bound to crash at some point and, when she does, she will need your friendship as a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, and a resolve that will help her rebuild her confidence.
– Christine
