Dear Christine,
I need your advice. I had a relationship with a man I loved for more than 12 years. However we broke up because he was unfaithful to me. Though we parted, we did so as friends, so that he would sometimes come around by my house to look for me to see if I needed anything.
Anyway, I moved on with my life and had another relationship from which I had two children. I have not seen their father since they were born, but my friend from my previous relationship (that I had for 12 years) would always be there for them. He supports them, goes to Parent-Teacher Association meetings, and is very involved in their lives. He even tells everyone that they are his kids.
Christine, he is involved with someone else, but says he loves me, has never stopped loving me, and will always love me. He loves me so much that he wants me to marry him.
I still love him too. Throughout the years he never really left my side and would always provide for me.
What do you think I should do? Does he really belong to me? Should?I go back to him? Do you think he really loves me?
Thanks in advance for your advice.
– LOST
Dear Lost,
Based on what you said, this man has proven his love for you by being there all those years after your intimate relationship with him ended, and continued to be there for you after your children were born and their father bolted.
If the proof of the pie is in the eating, then clearly this man’s devotion to you has been tried, tested and proven.
Lost, based on what you said about him I have the picture of a caring individual who really loves you, but one who has a wandering eye and would yield to temptation. I suspect this is why you are hesitant about going back with him and are questioning if you should.
The fact is he cheated on you once, and though he is saying that he wants you to marry him, he is involved with someone else right now. My suspicion is that you’re scared this side of his character will not change.
If this is your concern that is understandable. Clearly you do not like that type of behaviour and are not willing to accept it.
I would suggest you speak with him about this concern. Let him know how much you love him and want him too, but how much you dislike this aspect of his character.
The only way you will be comfortable with whatever decision you eventually take is when you can satisfy yourself that you had a frank discussion with him on this matter of other women. I hope this helps.
– Christine