LAST WEEK a sista sent de Vendor a story ’bout a man in India wid 39 wives, 94 children and 33 grandchildren, fuh real! And then rudely tell de Vendor how she know I wish I was living in India.
Fuh sure, I love things Indian. De food amazing, de clothes practical, de chutney music sweet, Bollywood movies every 60 seconds and, yes, the women drop-dead gorgeous and a man can have more than one wife. Pun de surface it look good but check it out before we dead from exhaustion!
Ziona Chana lives in a 100-room mansion and his 39 wives take it in turns to share his bed. The house is a four-storey home set amidst de hills of Baktwang village in the Indian state of Mizoram, and the wives does sleep in giant communal dormitories. De thing big like a hotel! So far so good.
But check now the logistics. In addition to the 39 wives, he also got 14 daughters-in-law to deal with, and cooking a meal is like producing a feast fuh a Caribbean wedding. Check dinner time – 30 chickens, 132 pounds of potatoes and 220 pounds of rice! I would hate to have to wash plates fuh them. Apparently though, the household is organized like de military wid wife number one being El Jefe organizing de rest wid washing, cleaning and cooking.
Mr Chana religion allows a man to take as many wives as he wants! Can you imagine buying clothes fuh dem women. It remind me of the TV advertisement with an Arab sheik who was buying mattresses and de salesman ask he iffing he want a king or queen mattress. He reply one king, 42 queens! In one year alone Mr Chana marry ten wives. I know some men ’bout here who does try dat but them does only end up paying nuff money to the courts and getting cuss fuh de child support.
In Chana’s household them say that the family system is based pun “mutual love and respect” plenty mutual love fuh sure. But the man is a animal – he still want more wives and say he prepared to go even to the USA to marry.
So, to the real business of de bedroom: how does a 67-year-old man have and keep happy 39 wives? To hear them tell it everybody living good. The older wives on some kind of retirement plan so dem don’t get call up fuh duty whereas the younger wives pun active duty, and he does keep at least eight around him all de time.
Can you imagine when the women get vex wid he? Suppose them file fuh divorce; what you does claim? 1/39th of the estate? Suppose one night them women all got headaches. That is a lot of Phensic to serve. And supposing Mr Chana cannot rise to the occasion – what must 39 women do?
You mean he don’t wuk? Where de money coming from to feed, clothe and educate this tribe? Imagine sending 94 children to school – you need yuh own transport board! As fuh education, Sir Hilary at Cave Hill would need COW to build a new campus! And what about when the women say we want to go shopping? I hope he got doctors pun staff ’cause when a virus hit the household nuff people must be does get sick!
The more I think ’bout it the better one wife sound. One set of nagging, one credit card to max out and hopefully only one headache at night from time to time!
I Market Vendor gone fuh now. You have a blessed and a wonderful day, yuh hear?
