I SAW an advertisement on Directv the other day in which a guy threw away his friend’s phone because the friend was considering dating the guy’s ex.
It was quite funny from the observer’s point of view, but when on the receiving end, it could be hurtful and even insulting. Dating a friend’s ex-girlfriend can be one of the trickiest scenarios a single man could possibly face.
The arrangement is often fraught with peril, since one wrong move or misinterpretation can cost you both a good friend and possibly the love of your life.
If you feel you must pursue the relationship despite the personal history between your girlfriend and your buddy, remember to tread lightly until your relationship is fully established.
Your friend may or may not come to terms with the new arrangement, but ultimately that’s his problem, not yours or your girlfriend’s. If their relationship is truly over, she should be free to date whomever she pleases.
As a friend, however, you do have an obligation not to rub salt in your buddy’s wounds, so you may have to play down public displays of affection or discussions of the future around him out of mutual respect.
Anyhow, if you do choose to pursue a romantic relationship with a friend’s ex, here’s some advice to help keep it from becoming too awkward or damaging to your friendship.
1. Seriously consider not doing it. This may sound harsh, but lifelong friendships don’t grow on trees and you may be risking too much over one relationship.
Your friend may have been your friend long before he started dating his ex-girlfriend, and you could easily cause a major rift if you pursue a relationship with her. There are many available women in the dating world, so you’d better have a very compelling explanation why it has to be her and no one else.
It really doesn’t matter if they broke up yesterday or ten years ago, it could still feel very awkward to see an ex-girlfriend in the arms of someone he knows very well. If you value your friendship, you may want to grit your teeth and break off your plans to pursue your friend’s ex romantically. This doesn’t mean your feelings towards her are invalid, but out of respect for your friendship you need to avoid causing unnecessary pain.
2. Make sure the relationship is truly over. You may have had an unrequited crush on your friend’s girlfriend for years, but you shouldn’t act on it the day after their last “big fight”. One or the other or both might come to you for advice or counselling or sympathy following a break-up, but don’t confuse this with an opportunity to pursue your own agenda.
If you and your friend’s ex do have a solid rapport with each other, waiting a few months shouldn’t hurt your chances. The worst position you can be in is to make romantic overtures towards the ex shortly before your friend reconciles with her.
Now she realizes how you truly feel about her, and this information could reach her boyfriend’s ears. You are not going to come out looking so good. If you want to ask the ex out on a date, make sure the relationship is definitely over for good.
At the end of the day, you have to weigh the pros and cons – what is more important: your friendship or your potential relationship? What are the examples of consequences of such decisions in the past? Are you certain that this will be the woman of your dreams? If the relationship doesn’t work out, do you think your friendship can be restored? All these are only some of the questions to consider. However, life is life, and it is up to you to live it in the best possible way!
