Mother’s Day always bring a sense of nostalgia. It isn’t just about the sentiment that you’re bombarded with on television, radio and print, okay well maybe it is a little bit. But it always gets me thinking about my mom and the job she did raising us. I suppose now that I am a mother, I’m more prone to ponder but it was really an article I read recently that got me thinking about motherhood.
Dr Phil wrote in an article recently there are five questions every mother should ask herself. Among them is “What did our parents teach us about parenting.” This particular question got me thinking about my mom. It wasn’t that she set out to teach me stuff, it’s more that she taught, I guess, by example. Her lessons were more covert, because she was just being who she was.
Lesson 1: She was hardworking. She came to New York in her early 40s and basically had to reinvent herself with four children in tow. That’s no easy task when you’re in a strange country, with a whole new set of value systems and you know it has to work because going home is not an option. But she worked hard to make sure we had our own home, felt happy in it, and did her best to give us with the necessities and a few luxuries here and there.
Lesson 2: She maintained her composure. I’m sure she must have had her angst, her moments when she wanted to have her own personal meltdowns. What with raising four kids on your own, in a strange place with no extended family support systems in place. Just thinking about that is enough to send me bonkers, but you know I never saw her lose her composure, go ballistic or made us feel she didn’t have things under control, and I can say the same for my sisters and brothers.
Lesson 3: She was always there. This one I always marvel at because, she did the closest thing to impersonating superwoman. She was a consummate multitasker. When it came to parent/teacher conferences, ceremonies at school, school plays, you name it she was present for all of us. That was with juggling two jobs at some points, but she was there. I don’t know how she did it, but her being there made us feel special.
Lesson 4: Sacrifice goes with the territory. Okay so I will be the first to admit that this lesson is a little hard for me, but my mom made it look easy. I know that she could have easily gone in the direction of her own dreams, but she put them on hold for us. That’s not an easy thing to do, especially when you grew up in the “Just do it” era. My mom learned early that in order for your kids to have a good foundation, there are some things you just can’t do, no matter how bad you may want them personally.
Lesson 5: Put God first. Growing up I always saw my mother on her knees. Whatever problems she had, her fears, hopes, dreams, God knew them first. She made sure we grew up in church, sitting through Sunday school, going to the different services. She always said God was all we had and she was right. Because if you go by the experts and statistics today, her kids should have come out totally different, but she always said “we were in God’s hands”.
Lesson 6: The hard work pays off in the end. My mom is in her 70s now, and looks damn good I might add. But she can say that she didn’t raise any drug dealers, all of us went to college and charted lives of our own. So the sacrifices did pay off for her . . . and us.
To all the mother out there teaching your own covert lessons, have a wonderful Mother’s Day.
