If loving you is wrong, I don’t want to be right. If being right means being without you, I’d rather live wrong than right. – Sung by Millie Jackson [written by Stax songwriters Homer Banks, Carl Hampton, Raymond Jackson]
A pragmatic view!
In spite of the glitter and pomp that surrounded the royal wedding in England, surveys in many parts of the world are beginning to show what appears to be the obsolescence of marriage.
The recent controversy about premarital sex is a moot topic that engages the idle; takes the pressure off the politicians. Since Adam was a lad, people have been having sex with or without the permission of the Bible.
Indeed the Bible and the Koran are rife with incidents of premarital, extramarital, polygamous and interfamily sex. Many of these references are attributed to holy men. Sometimes the Lord blessed the perpetrators (Abraham), sometimes He cursed them (Sodom).
In Barbados, despite the vitriolic few, sex remains a highly personal decision arrived at by individuals.
The only true evidence of whether or not it has been engaged in is by the output.
People from all walks of life are beginning to question the sanctity of ”what God has joined together” as they pull “asunder” by mutual consent or by hankering after some greener pasture.
Should we then question the way our society in Barbados has regulated itself, especially now that there seems to be a surplus of lonely women? After all, any constitution is subject to change, as we all know. All you need is a majority of representatives of the people and “bram”, it’s changed.
Recent events might make changes change back. The Supreme Court Judicature Act is a case in point.
Could it be that we have conditioned ourselves to “one man, one wife” that it is so easy to reconcile to the present? Men seem to have moved away from this way of thinking, leaving women to appeal, hanker after the past and complain.
Perhaps the Muslims have it right, although with them it only takes three sentences to complete a divorce and it can even be done by fax.
The fact that a man can marry more than one wife could solve many frustrating problems. There would be fewer strident appeals in the newspapers from women over 50 for companionship if we openly accept multiple relationships, although the men they are targeting are looking for chicken broth.
Take, for example, the case where a woman before marriage is cooperative and easygoing, but confides to her girlfriend; “Whenever I get that ring on my finger, all this night out and dominoes with the boys will stop, just you wait”.
They marry, and then the man insists that “Friday night is mine with the boys”. When a first wife asks “Whe you bin”, he could easily “cheupse” and resort to the second or third wife.
Isn’t there a great deal of sense in a man having more than one wife in our Christian society? If you want to challenge me, say it is not now so in practice right here in Barbados. Isaac in Genesis had twelve sons from a plethora of wives and mistresses.
Given these factors, either you convert to Islam, turn to the East and go live in Afghanistan or Iraq or Africa where you may be easy prey for a suicide bomber but you can enjoy multiple wives, or you simply be fashionable and do not get married but have a garrison of companions or concubines via premarital or extramarital sex, or go and live in Malta.
The law has already conceded somewhat. It says that if you have cohabited for more than five years, you are as good as married – yet in the Barbadian context, the word cohabit is the operative word. The men say “although I have many lady friends and have children from them, I sleep at home at my mother as a habit”.
In this way men and women get around what the law is rather unsuccessfully trying to achieve.
Maybe there is acceptance about the present state just as there is acceptance of gambling and prostitution in Barbados. However, there is no acceptance of soliciting. You are worrying about premarital sex!
Ask the French. They propose making marriage a mere contract, something like an IOU.
