Dear Christine,
MY HUSBAND constantly makes comments about how other women look. If he thinks someone is attractive, he’ll tell me, and if he thinks they are ugly, he’ll say that too.
He particularly likes to do this with my friends, and though I have asked him to stop it, he hasn’t. Admittedly, he stops it for a while, but then starts again.
I used to laugh off his comments, but they are hurtful because I really don’t think it is nice he should make fun of someone because they are big, while he gloats over who looks good.
It has come to the point that I do not like him to accompany me anywhere, when my friends are going to be there, because of the talk he would have afterwards about the way they are dressed.
He just says that he is having fun and asks what is the big deal about it. But I see it as disrespectful to my friends. What do you think about this situation?
– UPSET
Dear UPSET,
It seems a majority of men like to look at other women no matter how much they love the one they are with. I guess that’s just something in their DNA.
But it seems your husband has focused on your friends and for you that’s a “no-no”. What’s more, it seems he can’t help himself and is oblivious to the pain he is causing you.
Like you, I feel he is being disrespectful and, I would add, childish, for pursuing this habit. But I have a nagging feeling he has been doing this for some time, as it would be rather odd if this only started after marriage.
That being the case, I feel there could be something else happening in your relationship which you are peeved about and haven’t stated here, and that is finding expression in your anger at this bad habit of his.
If I am right, I would suggest you confront him on this instead of letting it simmer and find expression in negative ways.
Be that as it may, your husband needs to be told in no uncertain terms that his behaviour hurts and embarrasses you. You are obviously loyal to your friends and he is dissing them, so you don’t appreciate it at all.
Hopefully, when he knows how upset you feel he may try to control himself. He will if he truly loves you.
– CHRISTINE
