MY WIFE and I recently celebrated another wedding anniversary.
All we did was to attend church and pray together to give thanks for our union.
I didn’t think anything else was necessary, and my wife agreed.
The truth is, she is still uncomfortable with going out too much, especially around people who would have known us through the years because of her infidelity. She is still embarrassed by it.
I am not. Yes, it hurts that another man enjoyed my wife sexually like I do.
It still hurts that she felt she even needed to be with someone else and did not confide in me in every way.
But I am thankful that God showed her the error of her ways, and today I can truly say that I am not only as happy but even more in love with her today as I was the day I proposed to her and the day I married her.
Great company
I love my wife because she makes me complete. She has a lovely sense of humour, is a terrific mother and great company to be with.
She is also a good organizer and knows how to handle money well and, most of all, is God-fearing.
For me, therefore, she is my everything.
What happened between us in the second year of our marriage was unfortunate. I was out of the country, she felt alone and vulnerable, and succumbed to an older, worldly man, who used her respect for him to exploit her innocence.
Yes, it never should have happened. And yes, she should have been stronger and committed to her vows. But she wasn’t. She made a mistake – a big one.
It was an error of judgment, and a betrayal of her vows.
What compounded this situation was that she continued this relationship when I returned, and it only stopped nearly three months later after the guilt of it weighed so heavy on her conscience that she had a nervous breakdown.
The immediate weeks and months after that were difficult for both of us in different ways. She was grappling with what she had done and praying I did not leave her, while I was trying to come to grips with
the thought that my wife – who was a virgin when we wed – could want someone else other than me.
Actually, that was the hardest thing I had to deal with. I recognize now that was a male thing, but I would admit it was the one thing that stopped me from forgiving her for months.
It has hard but gradually I came to the realization that if I held a grudge against her, and continued to remind her about what she did, then we would go nowhere as a couple.
I had to forgive her to move on, and – to be honest – it was the best thing I have ever done.
I’m talking about this because of a letter in Dear Christine some weeks back, in which a married person was questioning how they could trust their partner after they cheated on them.
All I would advise anyone who has been through this is that forgiveness is really the way to go if – and this is a big if – your partner is really and genuinely remorseful.
How do you know that? You’ll know from what they say and how they act.
I would suggest that when you see it, both of you should get a counsellor involved and with their guidance work out your differences.
I warn you, it won’t be easy. In fact, you may feel, like I did, that you’re wasting time because of the emotions that may come out.
But if you really love your partner you will persist because he/she is worth it.
One last point I must make is that you cannot really tell when your partner is cheating.
It is pure nonsense to suggest this.
Felt guilty I remember well that I could not tell from how my wife felt, smelt, tasted or moved in bed that she was involved with another man.
I only knew when she broke down and confessed because she felt guilty.
The long and short of it is that if you love someone, you will work with them to try to retrieve the relationship. If it was me and I realized that I did something foolish and begged my wife for a chance, I would want her to forgive me. So I should do the same for her.
