I notice at the end of every one o’ my columns each week, like the body who does check it, does put down dat Mavis Beckles come from down in the Orleans and dat she got an opinion on everything.
Now, while dat might be partly true, I think dat it would be only fair tuh say dat I, Mavis, does ask most questions ’cause there are a lot o’ things I can’t seem tuh understand nuh matter how hard I try and from what evah position I look at it.
I suppose I might have tuh get a couple o’ degrees in order tuh see and understand some o’ this madness dat does happen in Barbados.
Now, I got a few queries tuh make and when I done, I want ya’all tuh tell me if you think I talking nonsense; ya’all could then write or call THE NATION newspaper. I ain’t got nuh email address like other people, and leh me know how wunna feel or think ’bout it.
Listen tuh this: a couple o’ weeks ago, my neighbor telephone landline was out of order. The thing stopped working just so, and she had tuh be calling ’pon my phone or her cell phone all the time tuh report it.
At one time, I hear she get suh vex wid the body ’pon the other end fuh de amount o’ times she was put on hold or transferred from one place tuh the next, fuh one reason or the other. The only thing I ain’t hear she do is cuss, but I know dat it is only God who hold back she tongue.
Well, finally, somebody come and fix some wires ’pon the pole and it come back on after close tuh three weeks and all she saying is dat LIME gine have tuh give her a credit ’pon her next bill or some kinda discount because o’ the length o’ time dat her phone was out o’ order.
I look at she and tell she straight, “wait ’pon um”! Dem doan give ya back a penny nuh matter how long ya phone did outta order, but miss and doan pay dah bill by the due date, see if duh doan cut um off just so.
Next thing now, the following week, my phone decide tuh stop working, nuh dial tone, nutten. So I ask my neighbour tuh call LIME; I ask my brother in law tuh call LIME; I ask my sister tuh call LIME and they all did but after all o’ these calls and almost two weeks went by, somebody came and fixed it.
Whew! What does really get me, right, is dat nuhbody doan apologise, ya doan get nuh rebate, nuh credit ’pon ya next bill, nuh kinda explanation, nutten! And the thing is, there aint a soul you could call at LIME, ya hear what I say?
I mean in Barbados, tuh just vent ya anger ’pon ’cause ya cahn get through tuh nuhbody bout here.
You could imagine dat though? You could imagine dat I could go into the LIME office at Windsor Lodge, Government Hill, dat sprawling lot o’ building and see a host o’ staff in LIME shirts traipsing up and down the place and looking important; but pick up the phone and try tuh reach somebody in there and ya gine round in circles.
Then you could go up there by BET, another set o’ LIME people looking all dressed up and important but ya still cahn get nuh kinda help from dem neither; so something gone wrong wid your phone here in Barbados and you have tuh get it fixed, so you call 411 and the body who gine answer in the most polite way got a St Lucian accent.
Now, this body gotta report my case and proceeds tuh transfer me tuh all kinda departments in order tuh get this problem fixed, here in Barbados.
You could imagine dat though? And the body who turns up tuh fix the phone is a Bajan in a purty LIME van. Look, I know dat I aint the only body who does feel like blowing duh cool and telling off dem operators in St Lucia, ya know? The anger and frustration does get ya but ya does think hard tuh do it because dem operators does always be very polite and pleasant.
But LIME know how tuh frustrate ya, duh ain’t esy at all. Some people suh frustrated duh changing the LIME meaning to all sorts uh other things.
One I heard recently was L – lazy; I – incompetent; M – mambie pambie; E – excuses.
Listen tuh this here. A brother o’ mine tell me the other day dat he went into the LIME service centre and ask fuh a roaming plan because he was planning tuh spend a li’l time in the United States. He said that they told him dat dem ain’t got nuh kinda roaming plan but he could turn off he phone and use it very little if necessary.
He did just as they suggested but it was when he got back that he got the shock of his life when he saw the cell bill and it was ovah $1 000, $900 of which was roaming charges.
So, he went in tuh the service centre tuh get some kinda explanation and after combing the bill, the people tell him dat the calls dat went tuh the voicemail while the phone was turned off in the States were all considered roaming charges and therefore billed. So there!
Another thing, why should I pay more money when and if I call from a landline tuh a cellphone when it is LIME own network dat I using?
Ya mean it ain’t bad enough tuh be raped when ya call from the competition? Somebody suggested dat ya should squeeze the lime, make and drink some cool lemonade in these hot days and bring back Bartel!
But before I sign off this week, leh me wish all you wonderful, caring, loving and very present fathers out there, a very blessed and happy Father’s Day.
