In his own words, Attorney General Adriel Brathwaite gives his take on fatherhood, family, and memories of his own father.
My wife Gailene and I have two sons, Alex-Desmond (16) and Adrian-Paul (15). I believe my boys and I have an excellent relationship. I have always tried to be open with them, therefore no subject has been off limits. With my hectic schedule I sometimes wonder if I spend enough time with them, but we have a solid bond.
We do share similar interests like movies and cricket, and spend time together eating or chatting. We love and support different teams in basketball and football – Adrian-Paul likes Chelsea, Alex-Desmond likes Liverpool, and I support Tottenham. You can imagine how much fun and drama there is around the house during World Cup.
The boys are different. Alex-Desmond is affectionate; he is the kind of son who sends me a BB message saying get home safely and that he loves me. Adrian-Paul would not do that. Strangely enough, Gailene tells me that Adrian-Paul is more like me.
I am proud of them both. This has nothing to do with the school they attend, though it is my alma mater Harrison College. They are both strong in their belief in the Lord and are active in church. This has helped to define who they are and will become. They are also quite independent; they can prepare basic meals, wash and iron.
We have a happier home because of the boys even though they are still always in our bedroom, in our bathroom, in our bed, no matter how often I threaten [to stop them].
About seven years ago when he was nine, I knew we were on the right path raising the boys after I flogged Alex-Desmond late one evening – just a couple of lashes. I hasten to add that was the one and only time I punished him that way.
The next morning he came to me and said: “Daddy, I want to speak with you.” I said: “Yes, Alex, what is it?” He said: “Daddy, you flogged me unfairly,” and proceeded to tell why he thought I was unfair. I listened and eventually agreed with him. My response was: “Al, I am very proud of you. Keep the lashes and remind me next time I threaten to flog you.”
My relationship with my sons has been pretty much shaped by my relationship with my dad. Although my father did not live with us, I loved my father and he loved me. We became very good friends as I got older. Daddy made himself available to watch me play cricket from Under-15 to Second Division; he was there to wish me luck on the morning of my 11-Plus.
In fact, I remember his words to me: “All the mouth you have, let’s see what you are going to do today.” That was his way of wishing me good luck. He was there when I graduated from law school. He was always around if I needed him as he did not live very far from us. The thing I remember most about daddy, however, is how he died.
When he was 78 years old he told me and anyone who would listen that he was only taking two more years. On his 80th birthday he asked me to organize a party and invite his friends because it was going to be his last.
This was in February and daddy wasn’t ill. We had a good party. He died in July the same year. Daddy was an independent man and feared growing older and having to depend on anyone. If [such a thing] is possible, he died on his own terms. If he knew that I was going to be involved in politics, he would have stayed longer. He only loved cricket more than politics.
Upon reflection, there is nothing about my relationship with my father that I would wish to change. I do not recall daddy ever saying no to me about anything – not that I asked for a lot, but he never said no. He was amusing in this regard: if I said daddy, I want money to buy a shirt and it costs $20.11, he would give me exactly what I asked for, never more, never less.
I want my sons to think of me like I now do of my father. He did the best he could for me with what he had, including his emotional intelligence. Daddy was not the hug-and-kiss kind of man, but he was a good father.
I believe my sons and I are on the right path. Adrian-Paul will take a bit more energy and focus as he is a more complex character. For example, a couple of years ago they were going to New York on vacation and I threatened to keep home Adrian-Paul if he did not do better in school. He said yes, dad, and went to his room where he compiled a list of things he wanted his brother to buy for him if he didn’t make it to New York.
I have asked my sons not to get involved in political discussions at school. I do not wish my sons to be disadvantaged because of my politics and they also know that they will receive no special benefits because of my politics, nor do they expect any.
The boys have only now started paying some attention to politics but it’s way down on their list of important things. I do not sense that they feel there is anything special about their father being a Member of Parliament or the Attorney General. I teach my children to respect all people, no matter how different they are from them.
I live by very simple rules. I am honest in my dealings with people. I am fair in my dealings with people. I treat people how I expect to be treated.
Beyond that I have encouraged the boys to work as hard as I have and I expect them both to be out of my home after university, if not before. I have committed to seeing them both through a first degree. Adrian-Paul, however, may not go to university if he discovers a way to make lots of money from now.
I have not been the perfect father and the boys know that; in very respectful ways they have let me know that. Several years ago, on a Sunday morning I would opt to lime with a few friends rather than go to church. The boys would pass in their mother’s car and see me liming. I guess it became too much for Alex-Desmond who, as soon as I got home, asked me if I wanted to go to heaven. Without giving me a chance to reply, he said: “I want you to make it to heaven. Come and go to church with us on Sundays.” There ended my Sunday morning liming.
Now if someone could just help us reduce the amount of food they consume, I would really appreciate it.