Dear Christine,
I write to you depressed and urgently in need of advice.
I have been living with a man for nearly three years now. We have no children together, but he has of his own.
We have been going through some financial challenges recently and this causes me to quarrel.
He says I put him under a lot of stress by quarrelling all the time, but, Christine, I am tired of living in poverty.
We usually sleep together each night, but recently he has been spending lots of time with his male friends. He sleeps at their houses and comes home in the mornings.
He does not call or say anything.
He hardly spends time with me anymore and does not take me out.
Do you think it’s best for me to leave or should I stay? He is always telling me that he loves me, and I love him with all my heart but it’s over-bearing now.
– TIRED OF WAITING
Dear Tired of Waiting,
The main problem you seem to face in your relationship is a lack of communication. Quarrelling will not help.
I think your friend may be spending lots of time away from you because of the quarrelling, and perhaps, nagging.
Talk with each other, don’t quarrel.
Why can’t you sit down and work out how you can help each other through the financial situation that is clearly putting a strain on your relationship?
You have not mentioned if both of you are working, but you may have to cut back on non-essentials to live within your means in these tough economic times.
I am not one for couples living together before marriage. Have you discussed marriage at all?
You ask if you should leave. My advice to you would be to put some space between yourself and him and see where the relationship goes from there.
If it means returning home on your part or his, and this can be done, then do it. The mere fact that he is sleeping away from home indicates that he wants some space.
If you truly love each other, you’ll be able to rise above the obstacles, but you must be willing to talk openly and honestly about your current situation.
Also, if possible, you should both seek the professional advice of a personal financial adviser.
– CHRISTINE
