Some people tell lies to spare their partners’ feelings.
They also tell these untruths to save, or even salvage, their relationships.
And if the responses we received are any indication, many of these fibs are told by women.
What comes through clearly is that telling the truth, though the right thing to do, can sometimes backfire when it comes to relationships.
All but three of the contributions we received explain that people tell tales for that reason.
The answers suggest that sometimes telling your partner the truth can be so painful for that person to know that people try to spare their feelings.
So they take their partner’s emotions into consideration and the likely consequences of what could happen if they revealed the truth.
And, based on that, they tell the partners a harmless lie – what some call “white lies” – as they figure what they don’t know can’t hurt them.
Answers ranged from quips like: “Yes, because some men can’t handle the truth,” to longer explanations such as: “I told my boyfriend he was the only man I ever had sex with for the past five years. He has been kind of like the only man since I am having an affair with a schoolboy. I am afraid to let him know because I know it would break his heart to know that.”
Another fascinating aspect of the responses received is that based on the answers given, the majority of those who responded were women, some of whom are involved in long-term relationships.
We can’t say if this feminine dominance suggests that more of them aren’t as forthright as men, or because women are more sensitive than men in such matters that they do their utmost not to hurt their partners’ feelings. Or simply, that women respond to such questions more so than men. But for sure, it is an intriguing scenario.
Here is what some of our callers who admitted they lied said:
• I once told a boyfriend how many guys I had in my life because he asked. After that, whenever we went anywhere and he saw me talking with a man, he always wanted to know if I had the person. It became overbearing, so we broke up. Since then, whenever I’m asked that question, I will only tell them about the people I know they know I have been involved with.
• He thinks I have only been with him and another guy; so to make sure he keeps trusting me, I have never told him the truth.
• I tell him that I am reaching climax just to get the sex over.
• I told my boyfriend he is the best lover I have ever had. That is not true. My boyfriend before him was a much better lover but my boyfriend is a better man. But given how insecure he tends to be, I told him that to make him feel good.
• I told my man he’s a good dancer when truthfully he dances like my grandfather. But I told him the truth the next day.
• I didn’t want to hurt his feelings because I love him.
• I told a white lie to save my relationship, but it did not work. I did it because I loved him.
• I didn’t want him to get angry or do something drastic.
• I tell my man I’ve never had an affair, and that’s a lie.
• I try not to tell lies by being defensive or by answering a question with a question.
As indicated, three of the respondents – again all women – said they did not lie. One indicated she didn’t fib because she was a Christian. The second said her man was the only one she ever had and “he is darn good”. And the third said: “The truth always comes out. It’s the only way things can improve and get better. Honesty is usually the best policy, unless it is totally devastating.”
Maybe there is a truism there.