Dear Christine,
I want to thank you for taking the time to read this letter.
I am in my thirties and have been married for almost four years. My wife and I have one child and our own home. The thing that hurts me, Christine, is that I am the only one who has worked throughout our marriage, yet when I ask my wife to do certain things for me, she does not listen.
It seems like my wife is taking me for granted, because I am loving, caring and do not like hurting others. My wife gives me the impression that she only wanted to get married for other people to see that she can do it as well. Right now, I feel nothing for her. Furthermore, if we were to break up, I would not want to have a serious relationship again. I would rather be alone, than get involved in a relationship with someone who does not care and causes problems.
Christine, what more can a wife want from a husband that takes care of all the bills, and does not cheat on her?
People ask: “Where have all the good men gone?” If a lot of women know how I take care of my wife and always spend time at home they would perhaps understand what I am talking about.
The question I put to all women in Barbados is this: “Who, or what is a good man?” I ask this question because it seems that a person has to be bad to be good. So, to both men and women, we need to know when we have something good.
– ?
Dear ?,
I can feel your hurt and frustration, and from your letter, I sense that you are one of those good men. I know there are many others like yourself.
Have you ever tried sitting your wife down and sharing your heart with her? I believe she may be “taking advantage” as you stated because you have not put down your foot as you should. I also believe that until the proper door of communication is opened; until you express your concerns, things will continue as they are – with you being unhappy in your marriage.
A successful marriage does not happen automatically, neither can one partner make it work; it takes time, trials and mistrials, some measure of pain, understanding and lots of patience. Things will not always be rosy.
Marriage is for better or worse, so that when bad times come you should not seek to jump ship, but hang in there and work your problems out. You’ve said that you feel nothing for your wife. This may stem from all that is currently happening within the marriage, but those loving feelings you once experienced can return.
Sometimes people go through the pain of divorce, only to discover after their challenges have passed, that their love for each other is still there. Some have even divorced and re-married.
My advice again is to speak to your wife about what you’re going through. If this does not help, seek professional counsel from a marriage counsellor, or even a pastor – perhaps the one who officiated at your wedding. You also have the choice of selecting a counsellor from among the Dear Christine Support Group. Just let me know if you are interested.
Don’t let this current storm cause you to give up so soon on your marriage, and all you’ve sought to accomplish for your family – especially your child. Also, please don’t judge other women by the type of person your wife appears to be. Just like all men are not bad, so it is with women. They are some very good, caring, understanding and loving women out there.
– CHRISTINE
