Relationships are based on trust. Without it, they simply will not endure. In fact, they often crumble and die.
It is important that the trust between partners is always solid.
In this day and age when there are so many distractions and influences – many of them negative – it is important to trust unless given a reason not to.
When the trust goes, then everything else is likely to go – it’s just a matter of time.
You start to doubt and question everything. You start to look over your shoulder and focus on nothing else.
When your partner says he or she is at a particular place or doing a particular thing, your hackles go up and you don’t believe a word said.
You start to read something into everything said and done. In short, you simply don’t trust.
Recognizing the importance of trust in any relationship, then, it is important that you try hard to keep it intact.
Of course, there are times when it cracks and you have to deal with repair.
When trust is broken, you hear of partners rummaging through drawers, clothes, pockets – or even going through a person’s phone or checking messages on a Facebook account, which is private.
What follows is the inevitable breakdown of the relationship.
If you find you have to be snooping and sneaking, why bother to put yourself through that? Why not just leave?
Believe that you deserve more and not lower yourself to that level. Chances are the person or the situation is just not worth it.
That brings me to this week’s Secrets’ Corner question: Your friend has kept her partner’s Facebook password, unknown to him. She has checked his account from time to time. This time, however, she discovers that he has sent several sexy messages to another woman, although it appears nothing has happened between the two. She wants to know whether she should wait to see if something more develops or kick him to the kerb. And is the way she gained the information of any relevance?
Why would this woman keep the password in the first place and use it unbeknownst to the man and worse yet, check the account from time to time? What gives you that right? Why would you be snooping into his business?
Why not confront him if you suspect he is being less than faithful?
Okay, so you find sexy messages to another woman and now want to know what to do with the information and if you should wait to see if anything more develops. Now that is plain dumb.
If you are woman enough to go checking your partner’s Facebook messages, you should be able to follow through and confront him. Why wait?
And why wait to see what will happen since you have gone this far? Do you watch a fire about to happen and do nothing? Confront your partner.
Admit you are wrong in the method of gaining the information, but get past that and go to the crux of the matter. Deal with the messages he is sending to another woman even while you are in a committed relationship.
Let him know you are not condoning it and ask him to cease and desist this behaviour that will put a strain on your relationship.
If he refuses, you need to walk because it is obvious that he doesn’t respect you or your feelings.
My only caution would be for you to also put a stop to the snooping. It isn’t conducive to a harmonious and happy relationship.
Other Facebook readers gave their take:
• “How she got the information does matter, but the fact is that he’s busted.”
• “She should end the relationship. Not based on the fact he’s entertaining sexy conversation with another woman – but the fact that she doesn’t trust her man at all since she has to sneak around on his Facebook.”
• “How can we trust men? They say men are dogs and I have learnt my lesson and I know I wouldn’t go through that again. Trust and believe.”
• “If she feels the need to check once in a while, she should be dealing first with why she does not trust him. Regardless if he actually commits the act, the trust issues are already there, and she should weigh up if this is the kind of relationship she really wants. It would be hellish to always have to look over your shoulder and have all that doubt.”
• “Busted? I think not! There is no way that she can confront him after receiving the information by means of a dishonest nature. What she needs to do is give up her full-time job and spend every waking hour spying on her man. Then when he is caught red-handed, she can shout to the world, ‘Busted!’ She will be jobless in the end but quite satisfied, I hope. By the way, if she is going to such lengths to keep tabs on her man, then trust must be missing in their relationship.”
