AFTER SEVEN YEARS OF slaps and cuffs, I walked out on the relationship I had with my children’s father.
It was the most difficult thing that I ever did, but I had to do it because I reached that point in my life where I was sick of feeling frightened, frustrated and fed up with my life.
I had reached the point where I could not take being anxious around him because he might give me a backhand slap across my face for saying something that he did not like.
I was tired of being a punching bag for a man who would not deal with the problems he had at work and those with his brother and sister’s greed over their dead father’s property, but would want to hit me if he asked me for a glass of water and, in his view, I took too long to bring it. It was that ridiculous!
It’s not love I’m talking about this because I keep reading about domestic violence and women standing for foolishness from men.
I am saying to women, don’t stand for no one licking up your skin.
He didn’t born you, so he shouldn’t be beating you up. You are no little child who needs correction. And for sure, any man who hits a woman often does not love her – don’t care what he says. Take it from me, I went through that and in the end I had to run.
Of course, making a life-changing decision to get out of a long-term relationship is not easy. You tend to delay making it, and put it off until you absolutely have no choice – like when your back is against a wall and there is absolutely no other option.
In fact, even after you make the decision, there will be many days when you have doubts that what you did was the right thing. At those times you doubt yourself and, depending on how much pressure you’re under, you may seriously consider reversing your decision.
Believe me, you can be made to feel that bad though you are in the right.
It is at those moments you have to look into a mirror and remember how your face was swollen from some hard slaps.
Look at your lips and recall when they were bleeding and swollen, and how difficult it was for you to talk because of a cuff to your jaw.
Most of all, look at your face and see how much you have aged in a few years because of all the stress and licks he gave you.
I was advised to do this by a woman who went through this same thing, and I can tell you, it worked for me. When I looked at myself in the mirror I remembered all those blows I took for nothing, and forgave him because I loved him. Well, I woke up and realized that the greatest love of all is learning to love yourself.
That’s why I encourage all women who are living with men who beat them, whether they are married or not, you need to stand up for yourself. Don’t take that foolishness from them. Report them to the police. The law is there to protect you.
Use it!
Even if you are not working and have nowhere to go if he decided to put you out because you reported him for violence, still do it. There are people who will come to your aid; you will not be alone.
As I said, I did it and I survived – so can you.
I know, it’s hard to be alone, especially if you have children to provide for with no guarantee that their father will help, but believe me, it is much harder to be unattached than stuck in a miserable relationship.
Life was not meant to be lived in sadness.
You are supposed to be happy even though you don’t have all the money in the world to pay your debts or buy the creature comforts of this world.
So, sisters, I appeal to you again: don’t stand for foolishness from any man any more.
