I hear all de talk: West Indies will never be great again, we gine always get beat, confusion in de West Indies Cricket Board, fire de board and de captain, bring back Chris Gayle and on and on.
Typical of West Indians, we does talk; today, I got solutions. Meet de new man in charge of WI cricket. I approaching de job in a very methodical and logical way; I working in phases.
In Phase 1, I calling all aggrieved persons to consultations. My strategy in Phase 1 is to let them talk. When people can talk and air how they feel, at the end of it yuh don’t have to say much; once they vent, they will feel better.
Then there is Phase 1A, whichin will involve more talks, dis time wid de player’ representatives. Phase 1B will be talks wid de actual players to be followed quickly by Phase 1C (not to be confused with any unattended classroom at Alexandra School). Phase 1D will involve Tony Cozier, Andrew Mason, Reds Periera, Fazir Mohammed and that lot; they are experts pun de game and have a lot to say. Phase 1 might run are far as the alphabet can take me.
Then there will be Phase 2, when I will reflect (and quickly) on those talks before deciding on Phase 3.
In Phase 3 I plan a similar strategy – 3A, 3B, 3C, 3D down to 3Z and in this phase I plan to talk to gorriliphants like Owen Arthur, who think he was a cricketer; Ralph Gonsalves, a key man – he country small so he got time to help out de Vendor and if I need a man to sell an idea, he gine be my pick; Sir Richard Cheltenham, he love cricket and he could tek an impossible case and win it; Portia, she feisty and could cause trouble. Ah gine pick another fella from de OECS cause I don’t want to hear bout small island and big island.
Phase 4, I talking to de International Cricket Council. Dat could take time cause it important and I need dem pun my side, otherwise I gine end up like Clive Lloyd and the Guyana government.
Phase 5, I talking to the groundsmen. Dem does see and hear a lot of t’ings but nobody don’t tek dem on. I want dem to know that dem important and I want to whisper to dem to prepare some fast-as-lightning wickets so Kemar Roach and Fidel Edwards can lick down some Aussie batsmen.
Phase 6. I having talks wid IPL. Wunnah can’t be serious; try and hold wunnah cricket when we own not playing so I can have my top boys like [Kieron] Pollard and Sunil Narine playing fuh de Windies.
Phase 7 (I hope wunnah keeping count), I?talking to Sir Hilary, a key man wid he 3Ws Oval, and union bossman Sir Roy. I need to avert strike action.
Phase 8 is timeout; I gine to Reggae Pun De Hill. Phases 9 and 10 is more consultations – red caps, Immigration, de Caribbean Court of Justice, Shanique Myrie and others and then Phases 11 and 12 is action time.
I ain’t sure what action yet, but action coming and by de time I done I woulda complete enough phases to be a certified electrician.
I, Market Vendor, gone fuh now. You have a blessed and a wonderful day, yuh hear?
