CHERYL ROCK ALWAYS SEEMED to have a love and a knack for children. So much so that she has made it her life’s work. She has spent years working with children and is currently one of the directors of the Sunshine Early Stimulation Centre. Even now she is the midst of her doctoral studies in infant mental health, so her love for children was always a given. Motherhood, however, was not.
“I knew I always wanted children but was told from a very young age that having children would be difficult because I had fibroids,” Cheryl said. “It was always going to be very slim whether or not I could have a child.”
Despite the medical diagnosis, that maternal yearning grew as years went on. Cheryl and her husband decided late in her thirties to start the process of trying to conceive.
“We decided to use lots of natural remedies and I started taking folic acid early on,” she said. “It was also important for me to get my emotional well-being in place, and then he (our son) came along.”
Like most parents who had always longed for a child, Cheryl had her hopes set for a girl, but that didn’t work out.
“My son Kyan was without a name for about three weeks because I was sure I was having a girl. I actually had my little girl’s name for 17 years,” she said. “But with Kyan’s name, I made my husband write out all the different titles . . . President Kyan, Dr Kyan. Kyan actually means ‘little king’ . I’m slightly neurotic, I know.”
Little did Cheryl know that the preparation she started even before Kyan came along would be instrumental to his development.
“I’m doing my PhD at the moment in infant mental health. A child’s well-being starts even before conception, because you are giving your child your emotional being. That to me is really important,” she said. “Lots of people don’t prepare their bodies. You owe it to the child to give them the best environment. Keep positive. I’ve always been fascinated with pregnancy, how a woman’s body changes and how they blossom. I do see children who are products of stressful pregnancies and it just continues. All you remember is the difficult pregnancy and then you have a child who is difficult.”
Not only did Cheryl have a good pregnancy, but she has been having an amazing time watching her four-year-old son develop.
“I think between ages two and three that surprised me a lot. I felt I knew a lot about children, but there was this discovery phase and everything was new in his eyes. That to me was fantastic,” she said. “This stage now we’re having some pretty deep conversations about babies and God is exciting as well.”
Yes, Cheryl admits that a lot of her early training had been instrumental in how she parents Kyan.
“I also encourage him to talk about how he’s feeling. We talk a lot. Maybe because I’m a speech therapist, but he talks about his feelings and things that have happened in his day,” Cheryl said. “I don’t believe in any form of smacking – I actually feel it’s abusive, but it does mean you have to have a way to discipline him that he understands there are rules and boundaries. Yes, he makes mistakes and he can be naughty, but he knows that he may not get to watch his favourite movie as a consequence.”
Cheryl admits that she loves having conversations with him and encourages him to express himself.
Drawbacks
“About a year ago I started telling him I don’t want him to say “I don’t know, because I want him to keep his brain open. So like when he asks me what’s behind the sun and I say, ‘I don’t know’, he’ll say, “You do know, mummy, you have to keep your brain open’,” she says laughing. “I know lots about dinosaurs now, and airplanes.”
While she has taken a more educated and informed approach to parenting, she admits that it does have its drawbacks at times.
“Being someone who is an avid reader, and my area is infant mental health, I read into everything,” she says. “I have such a fantastic mother and one who raised me in such a beautiful manner, and sometimes she’ll tell me you’re worrying too much. But I don’t think there is anything that she’s done that I wouldn’t do with my son. Anything that I’m doing differently it’s more a negative on my part. I had a fantastic role model in her.”
Like her mother, Cheryl is trying to be a fantastic role model for her son.
“Motherhood has been my greatest achievement,” she says beaming. “I have worked with children for over 20 years and enjoyed it. I think that I am a calmer person now, because I actually learnt how to stop and breathe. I think I’m a wiser person because of the questions they ask.
Though Cheryl has had such a joyous journey as a mother of Kyan, she doesn’t plan to repeat the process.
“I had Kyan at 39 and I feel very honoured and blessed to be his mum,” she said. “Plus, at Sunshine I’ve got my additional 60 kiddies that I love. So I have the best of all worlds.”
