Dear Christine,
Both my wife and I are very sickened by both of our grown children. We have invested a great deal of time and money to educate them and to give them advantages we hoped would help build their characters as well as add to their happiness.
Instead, both of them have chosen to live with the boyfriend or girlfriend of their choice without any apparent contemplation of matrimony.
No one seems to feel they are doing anything wrong so obviously they are very open and have no feelings of guilt.
I wish I could be an old-fashioned authoritarian father and break up both of their domiciles.
Do you have any thoughts on what a frustrated father can do in such a situation?
– M.H
Dear M.H,
The old-fashioned thing to do would be to pray – as simple as it seems. Apart from that, perhaps there is nothing you can do to change the present situation. Chances are you missed the opportunity when they were still children to tell them that “shacking up is not the right thing to do.” Still, they are now adults and will make their own choices in life.
Parents who interfere with their children’s romances usually only intensify the emotional bond that exists between the two young people.
It also seems to me that whether parents approve or disapprove, it’s important for them to realize that times have changed. It is not necessarily a case of what’s right or wrong. We now live in an era of sexual permissiveness and immorality. Much of our sexual morality in the past resulted from fears of unwanted pregnancy and from the injury not only to the child, but to the young parents.
Today, new methods of birth control have also obviously contributed to a changing code of morals.
Don’t beat yourself over the head. I believe you’ve done your best to be a good father and there are other concerned parents who think as you do. However, your children are no longer in their protective coop. They have ventured into the wider world and there are a lot of bad influences out there. They will make some wrong choices, and obviously learn from them. You and your wife just need to be there when they need an extra shoulder to lean on.
– CHRISTINE
