ONE TING ’BOUT WE BUBBADIANS: we does tek a long time to come, but when we come, we does come good!
Example: seat belt laws. Fuh years de rest of de world had seat belt laws, but ’bout hey? No way, seat belts? To do what? Get trap in de car when um turn over? Not me, bosie. I gine hold on to de door handle or de steering wheel. I gine be alright! Next thing yuh know, de car pun fire and I can’t get out!
But den, sudden so, de Lord spoke and said, “Let there be seat belt laws”, and all de lotta long talk evaporate like de salary at monthend!
In two-twos every man jack, every big mout’ woman who vowed never to wrinkle up she dress wid no seat belt choking she, fall into line ’cause one ting Bajans don’t like is paying out money widout getting something in return. And de thought of Government getting $500 from dem fuh not wearing de damn seat belt was not a nice thought.
A lady who had plenty talk and refused to wear hers get stop by a police large like de national debt, and from de time he ask fuh de papers she body did shaking like Rihanna doing de butterfly pun American Idol!
“Madam, you know it is dangerous to drive without yuh seat belt on?” Hear she, penitent: “Yes, Mr Policeman, sir, I am truly sorry. It was a lapse in concentration,” Officer: “Madam, this is an offence under de Road Traffic Act, chapter whatever, subsection so and so, paragraph 3005, and you may be prosecuted and brought before de law courts!”
At first she did want to wee wee, but by now she getting a message from a different part of the anatomy! Don’t mind all de ole talk. When people hear law court, suddenly them does want to go to church and pray and beg forgiveness! Today wearing seat belts in Bubbadus is de norm.
So, my people, how come we cahn fix dat? We can increase VAT to 17.5 per cent, we can impose all kinds of draconian taxes, surcharges, fees, levies, but we can’t fix de drinking and driving and introduce breathalyser testing! I know people who fuh years does drink, and I don’t mean nuh one-one drink. I mean really drink hard and get tie up and still get in de motor car and drive!
Yuh does hear men boast, “Man, last night I did real salt” or “Man, I did lick up last night. I wake up by de girlfriend house and upwards to now I don’t know how I get there!”
Trinidad introduce de breathalyzer test, and dem don’t mek nuh sport wid it neither! Pun weekends de police does set up roadblocks coming out of Maracas, de Trini version of Accra Beach, and men does get pull over and tested by some police that look like dem feed pun steroids!
One of de Vendor’s favourite hang-outs, Trotters, does offer free rides home, anywhere in TnT. Leave de keys and them will drop yuh home. But don’t panic. Like I said, we does tek long to come – well, in most things, when we come we does come good, and I sure all now John Boyce got some big plan and when he roll it out everybody gine be saying amen! And maybe soon after dat we gine get sidewalks pun de West Coast, parking meters in towns, air bridges at de airport and get back tax-free allowances! Elections coming too nuh?
I, Market Vendor, gone fuh now. You have a blessed and a wonderful day, yuh hear?