If you want respect and love, you won’t find it in an affair. Been there, done that; and the truth is, you remain lonely and alone throughout the affair despite the times you go out together and the two of you get a chance to act like a couple.
Of course, it was easy to fool myself that we were a couple when we were out together having a great time. This was especially so if, like we did on a few occasions, went away for three-week holidays.
There was nothing more satisfying and fulfilling than those times; that 24/7 togetherness – waking up, having breakfast, being out all day, then going to bed at night to do the same thing all over again the following day.
This blissful feeling was only interrupted by a few phone calls to or from his wife for a report on how he was relaxing, getting much needed rest, and the obligatory, “missing you”.
In those days when I heard that I used to laugh at her. I was sleeping with her man giving him everything he dreamed of and she was on the phone talking about how much she missed him. I found that so funny. I thought she was such a fool.
But you know what? I was the fool. I was the one being used, not her.
I was the one he was pulling around and doing whatever he desired to like some prostitute whose services were bought and paid for.
I was the one who always had to have a phone close by, or be available for a quick rendezvous whenever he could get away from her and their children.
I was the one who always got stood up and disappointed, but was expected to be understanding about it given his obligations.
If I sound bitter, it is because I am.
I wasted seven of my most youthful years with a man who to this day is still with his wife, the woman he used to say was fat and ugly, boring in bed, not exciting, and someone he could not wait to get away from.
If you see them today walking hand-in-hand at big events, you would never believe he was a big time cheat. He is the perfect husband, whispering words in her ears at which she giggles; sometimes hugging her despite her broad back, or just being attentive.
It churns my stomach when I see it. I sometimes feel like blocking and embarrassing the hell out of him. But I know at the end of the day, the only loser would be me as everyone would know my dirty little secret which I have hidden so well.
I just keep wondering how I could have been so stupid to spend all of those years when I was most physically appealing waiting for a married man. The handful of people who knew of our relationship told me that he would never leave his wife no matter what he said or I did – and they were so right. No wonder I feel as stupid as I do. I knew better but didn’t do what I should have.
I just thank God I didn’t get pregnant for him. But then, he always told me if I tricked him and became pregnant, it would prove that I was just interested in destroying his marriage and trapping him. His warped reasoning kept that possibility in check. I was so stupid!
Why am I talking about this?
To be honest, I’m not so sure as I don’t think anything I say would make a difference to most women, since we often believe we could make men do what we want if we treat them special.
As I said, been there done that, and it never worked for me, and several other “outside women”.
The only thing I could therefore say to a woman involved with a married man is the raw truth – such a relationship is exciting, forbidden and so, very appealing.
To be honest, the best sex I ever had was in situations where we could have been easily caught, like parked out in the airport car park. That risk heightened the sex and made it sweeter.
But it was just that, sex. I was screwing around with a man who had the best of both worlds – something thick at home waiting for him, and a nice, young, athletic body on the outside. And that’s what married men like, having their cake and eating it too.
They have a woman at home who cooks for them, takes care of their clothes, helps pay their bills, puts up with their nonsense, and spreads her legs whenever he wants.
If you think about it, why would a man leave such a comfortable set up especially when he can have you on the side whenever he feels like having something different?
As I said, all I can tell any woman is the raw truth, and this is what this is. As an outside woman you are no more than a convenience. And the sooner you realize that what he feels for you is lust and not love, the faster you might be able to escape humiliation and heartbreak.
