Dear Christine,
Congrats on the great job you are doing.
I am 48 years of age and my partner is 55. This is over three years we are together and I am sick and fed-up with our sex life.
He has a problem getting and keeping an erection, so sex only lasts about three to four minutes. Sometimes a whole month would go by before we have sex.
I am accustomed to a very active sex life but this one frustrates me. I truly love my partner and although I am sometimes frustrated, I have never gone with anyone else. However, lately I have been thinking about leaving him.
I have tried everything – even sending him to the doctor and the health shop. If he were a little more caring, I could put up with him.
Christine, I would perform oral sex to help him but he has never done it to me. When I help him and we happen to have three or four minutes of sex, he falls asleep and just ignores me.
Apart from the sex, I would try to encourage him to attend a movie, go for a drive, out to dinner or take a trip overseas, but he would not.
Christine, as much as I love sex, if he would only agree to spend quality time together, I actually would not think about the sex so much.
He can afford a certain lifestyle, as he is well off, but if I suggest any of the above things, it’s always: “I don’t have any funds.”
I am a very independent woman and I support myself.
I am really thinking about leaving him, but I love him. Every time I bring up the subject of sex, I am miserable and fretful. Men will never understand that if you cannot pay up one way and you deprive a person of one thing, you should pay up in a different way.
I never discussed my problem with anyone but I know the only person who would put up with what I am going through is me – because of my upbringing. I was taught to be faithful and I do not know how I could live with myself if I went with someone else.
At my workplace even the married women who are not having sexual problems at home boast to one another about the things they do with other men, then go home and sleep comfortably.
Christine, help me! I am unsure of what to do. Thanks for your time.
– R.C.
Dear R.C.,
There are many conclusions I have come to while reading your letter.
For one thing, you love this man; your upbringing has taught you to be faithful; you want to leave him; sex is not fulfilling and you two have very little in common.
Weigh all of these and you have a relationship that is totally out of synch – so to speak.
This man is not satisfying you sexually or in any other way. You seem to place a lot of emphasis on this part of the relationship. That apart, he is not spending quality time with you and hardly takes you anywhere. Ask yourself this question: “Would you want to be married to this man for the remainder of your life?”
I am sure your answer would be a big “no”. That’s what you have to consider!
If in the long term you cannot see yourself settling down with this man, based on all you’ve written, then leave him now. Don’t let another year go by with you living a frustrated and unhappy life.
Sometimes we have to love people from afar when it’s in our best interest.
From what I can see, you’ve tried your best and it is simply not working out. Move on!
– CHRISTINE
