Some people appear to have it and others have to work on it. You may consider yourself confident but then a challenging, new or threatening circumstance arises that causes you to feel under-confident. So it comes and goes.
This is why I like to refrain from labelling people with behavioural titles that they can practise themselves out of, no matter how long they have been crippled by them. So you either behave confidently or you don’t. I don’t believe you are either confident or not. If that were the case, writing this article would be pointless.
Many people struggle with self-confidence. Self-confidence does not have a particular look. It wears a power suit; a bathing suit; high-heeled pumps or rubber slippers. It is clothed in name brands and plain clothes. Its job title could be garbage collector or professor. The flip side is also true. Under-confidence turns up as a lawyer, teacher or artist dressed simply or flamboyantly.
In short, there is no point in judging others and thinking that they do or do not have it based on appearances.
You must have heard someone exclaim “But you look so confident!” That’s why I have avoided using the “dress well” self-confidence booster because that’s all it is, a boost.
So now to some tips that can help you build and tone your self-confidence muscles.
Polish your diamonds
First start with you. It is an inside job. You have diamonds that have not sparkled in a while. Think of 20 things that you simply love about yourself. If love is too strong a word, replace it with “am good at” or “like”.
Start with the physical, only because it is easier to observe what you can see. I like to call it the body scan. What attributes do you like about yourself from head to toe? It will be good to do this in a mirror. Shut up the voice that’s telling you how vain you are.
Quickly move on to characteristics and values you are proud of. Resist deferring to praise other people have given you. I want you to think about what you think and feel about yourself. Make that paramount. By now you have more than 20 things for sure. Yeah! Celebrate!
Brush up on your presence
Nope. Like I said, this is not about how you dress, although making sure you dress well is an expression of how much you care for and love yourself. Okay, I could not resist this topic.
Dressing well is about deciding you matter enough to invest the time in you, because you deserve it. No other reason. All other stated reasons are benefits you get from deciding you matter enough. If your motive is to dress to impress then you are already practising low confidence. Now let’s move on.
Presence means agreeing to stay in the moment now matter how under-confident you feel.
For example, it means staying in a conversation that you think is above your head with people you have allowed to intimidate you. Instead of zoning out, listen attentively and decide to learn. You don’t always have to speak. When you do speak, pick one point in the conversation that interests you and don’t worry about if it sounds smart or not. Sometimes the reaction you get is, “how refreshing!”
Get moving
Because exercise releases those good-feeling endorphins, it is one good way to help you feel confident. Every time you exercise you will feel like you accomplished something. Whether it is a seven-minute stretching routine or a sixty-minute intense circuit workout, you will feel like you did something great.
Take your challenge to get moving for seven to 60 minutes daily for the next two weeks. Here is one little trick to accomplish it. Just decide to do it for one day. Then get up the next day and decide to exercise that day and so on. You won’t notice when day 14 comes. Then, big celebration and start again, tomorrow.
Complete a project
This one is really easy. Take the smallest unfinished project you have outstanding and schedule it for completion by this weekend. Take the next largest one and keep completing one week at a time. Have fun building your confidence. Yes you can.
• Cheryl Gittens is a life performance coach to professionals.
