Dear Christine,
Keep up that good work that you are doing. Please help me. I am married and totally fed up, lonely and frustrated with my husband and his behaviour.
Our sex life leaves a lot to be desired. He doesn’t put any effort into making sex exciting or pleasurable. I must be the one to do that. There is hardly any foreplay and when I suggest that we need to engage in foreplay he sucks his teeth, jumps on me and like quick-draw he has an orgasm. He then snores and drops off to sleep totally ignoring my feelings.
Like the woman who wrote you recently, he never takes me anywhere (I am a very attractive and well-groom working and independent woman).
If I suggest to him that we go to a show, movie, concert, dinner, lunch or recently to morning breakfast at the Hilton, it is always an excuse not to go. He works Monday to Friday and is well paid.
I am willing to foot the bills and I told him so. Sometimes I suggest we go shopping in Bridgetown or one of the malls but he always has some stupid reason not to go. Even a drive in the country is met with “not today.”
Christine, I do not have sisters so most of the time I go out alone or I would ask a girlfriend to accompany me. When I am out and see other couples enjoying themselves I feel like crying. I even become envious. To add insult to injury, when I reach home late, his face is miserable and he hardly speaks the next morning.
Christine, every day in my job I interact with the public. I meet men from all walks of life, who want to take me out and offer me gifts. On my birthday, anniversary and Valentine’s Day, he expects me to cook before I leave for work as usual.
I have never accepted any lunch or dinner invitations or gifts as I try to be professional on the job. Sometimes I know some men just want to get in my pants. Christine, I do not want to be sneaking around like a whore or worthless women. I want my husband to behave like a real man. So we can do things and go places together and have an exciting and fulfilling sex life. He is always on a computer or on the Internet.
Sometimes when women horn men it is because they do not cherish what they have at home.
I am seriously thinking of leaving my husband. What is the point of working hard, having all the material things and still lonely and sexually starved? I love my husband and have put up with a lot over the last 11 years. Life is short and should be enjoyed not endured. I am not happy and fear that this is making me physically sick.
Why are men so self-centered and uncaring. I love my husband and would do anything to keep him, but I feel I am fighting a losing battle. He says women do not know what they want. Lastly, some men do deserve a horn.
– UNHAPPY AND MISERABLE
DEAR UNHAPPY AND MISERABLE,
I can understand your frustration as you give and keep giving but your husband is not giving the 100 per cent as he should. Â
You did not disclose your age range – whether you’re in your thirties, forties or fifties – for that matter, so it is a bit difficult to put the spotlight on what your husband may be going through physically, emotionally, mentally and psychologically.
It does not seem that having an erection is the problem, as was in the case of the woman you referred to. Your husband seems to be displaying a total disregard for your feelings. That is not a good sign. It also seems that communication between you two is a bit strained. Â
Have another talk with him; pour out all your concerns and frustrations. Also, suggest that you both seek professional help since you want to keep your marriage intact. Based on his response, you’ll know the next step to take.
And, please, forget about having an affair, it will not solve the problems you have at home. You’ll just be compounding the situation.
– CHRISTINE
