Dear Christine,
I have been in a relationship with my partner for 11 years, and for the past year and a half he has been talking to a woman he says is just a friend.
I’ve asked him why he won’t introduce me to this woman. He says he does not think I should have to meet her and has asked me why I want to know her since knowing her makes no difference.
He told me I was acting jealous, insecure and that I seemed to want to cause problems. He has also asked me if he cannot have a woman friend.
I told him I didn’t mind him having female friends but why hide them from me? He said I was always suspicious and needed to trust him. He also said I would not be controlling or programming him and that he worked for himself.
Christine, he tells me the most degrading things whenever the subject about her comes up.
I make sure he knows all my male friends, who are but a few, even though he has accused me of being involved with one or two of them. I have been honest with him from the beginning.
He told me only a handful of his friends know this girl and that is because he can trust them.
I’ve come to realize that he makes his moves during his lunch hour and on his off days. I’ve also noticed that his behaviour has changed. Christine, I honestly do not think he is being honest with me. Yet, he claims I am the one.
I’ve picked up a lot of signs that he is cheating. I love my man dearly but I think I am going to move on.
What do you think?
– Fed-Up
Dear Fed-Up,
I also think you should move on. Despite all you’ve told me about him and this woman, there is one line of your letter which has caught my attention more so than all you’ve written. It’s “Christine, he tells me the most degrading things”.
If this is the case, why are you still latching on to him? This man has shown little respect and love for you – if any at all. It is not always that men would want their close female friends to know their partners, but his responses must make you suspicious. Your suspicions may turn into facts.
Eleven years is also a long time to devote yourself to a man who doesn’t seem to have any good intentions – like getting married, for example.
Move on, not necessarily because of his friendship with this woman, but because of his lack of respect and love for you.
– CHRISTINE