Young ladies, I am sorry but those heels that some of you are wearing these days are going to cripple you.
I thought I had seen them all until two Saturday nights ago at Kensington Oval where so many of you turned up at the Hennessy Artistry concert in heels which, instead of helping you to stand straight and walk beautiful, had you stumbling, tottering, waddling, staggering and all but falling down all over the place.
Then to crown it all, by the end of the show many of you who had wobbled in on ten-penny nail-like stilettos and other strangely shaped designer heels were hobbling out of the place on bare feet with shoes in hand.
I know that wearing very high heels is the in thing to make you look taller or make your legs look slender and longer. However, from what I have observed, too many of you are wearing heels just for style that are not designed for your bodies or, for that matter, any human body at all.
So before you fork out $200 or so for a pair of uncomfortable or unfamiliar heels, you should take some time to learn about how your feet work and how wearing improper heels can damage them for life.
At the concert most of you were dressed hot and sexy as usual and had men’s eyes popping out their sockets. Unfortunately, the single problem far too many of you had was those heels.
At any moment I expected somebody to sprain or even break an ankle as some of you struggled and strained to keep your balance as your six-inchers tilted to one side, then another, unable to find the required vertical position.
I could almost feel the pain you were experiencing in your ankle, insteps and even your legs.
Just as the show was coming to a close, a woman dragged herself to my side, propped on my shoulder and complained that she had one problem with the show. When I asked what it was, she explained that she had had to park her car halfway up Fontabelle. I told her that was not too bad because some people were parked halfway up the Spring Garden Highway.
She then explained that where she was parked was not the problem but rather, her not being able to make it back to the car in the heels she was wearing.
For what it’s worth, here are a few pieces of advice on wearing tall heels – not from me, but from experts on the care of feet. Although it’s tempting to slip into those heels, the aches and pains after the first few struts are a tell tale sign something is wrong. So instead of heels, rheumatologists suggest wearing flat, flexible shoes with good arch support to ease the stress on your knee joints and lower body muscles. If heels are an absolute must, it’s best to wear them sparingly, since most of the harm comes via repetitive stress on the calves and knee joints.
If you don’t want to sacrifice your health for fashion, try trading those heels for a cute pair of flats or non-heeled boots and check Lady Gaga about her choice of footwear.
• Al Gilkes heads a public relations firm.