Dear Christine,
I HAVE BEEN WITH my boyfriend for 17 years and we have two children. At the beginning, life was sweet and I enjoyed every minute of it. After moving from where we lived things changed drastically.
He started smoking, drinking and liming a lot with friends and stopped supporting me financially, even when he worked.
Being a caring person I would take care of things at home by putting food on the table, looking after the needs of the children and paying the bills. I work for a reasonably good salary. Christine, he makes no effort to cook, wash, clean the house or do the supermarket chores. I am left to do all these things.
Due to his irresponsibility, I took a second job working one weekend night. I was so faithful in going to work and returning home that he took my second job for granted and ended up sleeping with a woman not far from where we live. This would be the fourth time that he’s cheated.
He denied he was having an affair until things got overbearing and family members discovered the truth. He finally admitted his guilt but things got worse. The woman would talk about what he did for her and even how he would leave her home in time to make it back to our house before I reached. That was when I started to think.
Christine, for over four years we have not been anywhere. I have never been taken to dinner. We do not kiss or socialize. When I go out I am forced to do so with family members. Occasionally, I would go for a drive, seeking places to get over the hurt.
Some time ago he gave me an engagement ring but he has not proposed even to this day. I have decided not to wear the ring anymore.
Christine, I thought things would have changed, but since we moved into the new apartment he has changed. I am not saying he cannot lime but he should deal with home first.
Since school started he has not given the children any money. Yes, we live in the same house, but he does not contribute to the rent. He said he is not working, yet he leaves home everyday.
Christine, I am hurt and stressed. I consider myself a nice woman and believe I deserve better. It has been 17 years and I don’t think that I can go on in this relationship.
To this extent, I recently asked him to leave. I told him it’s over and he needs to move on since he seemingly has no interest in settling down. I think he just wants a shelter over his head and a maid. There is more but I cannot take up your whole column. What do you think about this situation?
– 17 Years And Giving Up
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Dear 17 Years And Giving Up,
I think you’re wrong. This man has settled down to the extent where he can rely on you to support him. You don’t have two children; you have three.
Seriously, you sound like a caring woman who has gotten a bad break. You cannot continue to be this man’s support system.
I hope he has left your place by now. See to it that he goes not only because of his lack of support, but also because he does not love or care for you. What has he done to show you he does?
There are times when a woman may have to support her partner, but in this case, he’s using you. He cheats, lives off you and does not provide for his own children.
He is a liability, a dead weight, a parasite! Do you get the picture? How could you have put up with this kind of treatment for any length of time?
Things were probably good 17 years ago, but it’s time to move on and stop hurting yourself. You deserve better than a man who is content to lime on the block, treats you worse than a dog and refuses to support you mentally, emotionally, financially or otherwise.
Break free and start spending some of your hard-earned money on yourself. Your relationship with this man ended about four years ago. Get him out of your home and your heart.
– CHRISTINE
