Friday, April 12, 2024

BLABBERMOUT’ BABSIE: Buhbayduss newes’ political party!


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Dear Nesta,
I got some news dat gine shock yuh outta yuh skull!  Guess wuh? Philomena an’ muhself decide to form we own political party. An’ why de France not? De two “Big Maguffies”, couple li’l ones an’ one or two Independents, all linin’ up fuh de fight! So wuh is to stop we from tryin’ too?
Look at it dis way. We do we homewuk an’ realize dat  two sure ways to get t’rough Life, is eiduh to start up a church, or go into “politrics”. As two hones’ Christun women, we consider de church first’. Play yuh cards right, an’ “Grantleys” enuff – not pennies – could rain down from heaven ’pon yuh, becomin’ a tsunami befo’ yuh know it.
But we want, when we “cross over”, to get greet by a smilin’ Saviour an’ not a frownin’ judge, simply waitin’ an’ ready to turn we into “toas’” fuh all de “bobbin’ an’ weavin’” we do, when we  t’ought ’E din lookin’. So church was out. Remember, we’s two hones’ Christuns tryin’ to rise up in de worl’ by wuhevah is de fastes’ means, an’ after readin’ ’bout “politricians” salaries, we decide dah was de way to go.        
After nuff t’ought, we hit ’pon a name we believe would explain exackly wuh de position is: “Coalition o’ Right-minded Allrounders Party” (CRAP). Now, we know full well dat we startin’ at – I t’ink yuh call it de eleventh or mebbee twelf hour (I en ketch which) – but my nighber know somebody dat know somebody dat know de “Big N’ise”, an’ he promise to pull some strings an’ get we nominate, aldoh de time pass.    
As time real tight, we decide to come clean an’ leh de voters know wuh we would like to happen. It en no p’int mekkin’ promises dat we know from de very start, we en able, or got de slightes’ intention to keep – even ef we could – so nobody en gine p’int fingers at we, an’ call we liars or t’ieves. No sir, we’s soljers fuh de Lord, trooful, upright an’ hones”.
So lemmuh tell yuh ‘bout we plans. We not encouragin’ no speaker ‘pon we flatform to carry-on wid any bewzin’ an’ name-callin’. Dah’s not de Lord way. We usin’ pigeons to drop we leaflets – neffin else – from de air. We plannin’ air conditionin’ fuh all transportation. Free “Staycations” fuh all NIS pensioners – present an’ future – whenevah duh feel like it, at dah Four Seasons Hotel, ef it evah get buil’, control o’ de monkey population, an’ declarin’ we assets – befo’ we even get  in.
Over de years, dah Integrity Legislation subject been ebbin’ an’ flowin’ like de  ocean. One minute, it comin’ to shore, de nex’, evahting fade ‘way an’ gone back out to sea. So, as “Right-minded Allrounders”, dah is de firs’ matter we dealin’ wid.
Now, lemmuh see wuh I gine declare – Philomena mekkin’ she own lis’. I got a ole “rus’-bucket” dat always brekkin’ down, but it does still get pass as “Road wurvy”. Over hey, um en wuh yuh know, um is WHO yuh know, get it?
Nex’, muh ole “tinnin’buddoo”. I doubt dah could stan’-up to a good, hard win’, an’ fuh several years I been tryin’ to get a house outta de t’ousan’s (or so I keep hearin’) o’ houses guvment buil’in’. I turn down duh offer, as I en had no intention o’ livin’ so high up in de air, an’ den got to jump t’rough a winder to a amb’lance down below ef I tek sick.  
Now, wuh else I got? Oh yes! Few ole cloze, couple coppers in a piggy bank, an’ bare ice water in a fridge dat need peltin’ out. Y’see why I decide to run? An’ wid God help, evaht’ing could change after de 21st. You don’ fear.
Tek care o’ yuhself
Yuh frien’ Babsie


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