Dear Christine,
I have a problem and I need your help. I am 19 years old and four months pregnant for a man who is causing me concern. I am unemployed, having lost my job, so I have to depend on my family for everything. Since he got me pregnant all he does is make promises.
He and I were friends for two years and it was not until I got pregnant that I knew he had another woman. Despite this, every time this man comes to see me, he wants to have sex. If I refuse he beats me even though he knows about my current condition.
When I ask him for anything, all he says is that he has not got any money now and I will get it next week. Well, next week never comes.
I was told that since the other woman found out about my pregnancy she told him to go along with me and leave her alone.
Christine, it gets worse. I also understand that he has another young girl whom he takes to and from work.
Christine, what do you think I should do? All I do now is cry night and day because of the way this man treats me. I don’t even know where I will get things from to take into the hospital.
He says that when the child is born he will come for it since I can’t do anything for it because I do not work. He has even referred to me as an unfit mother.
I am pleading with young girls out there not to get pregnant unless they really want to and can adequately finance themselves and their children.
I don’t want others to go through what I am going through. I did not run behind this man, he ran behind me. I now know what it is like not to be independent.
Thank you, Christine, for printing my letter and for the advice you’ll give.
– SW
Dear SW,
The thing about life is that we learn as we go along. We either learn from someone else’s mistakes or from those we make.
I am sure you’re learning from yours. That’s all right!
You’ve obviously discovered that this man cannot be trusted; that he has used your body for his own lustful purposes and that everything that glitters is not gold.
One thing you do not have to fear is him taking your baby from you.
You’ve asked me what I think you should do. First and foremost, you need to bring an end to the relationship; tell him it is over and you will not be used as his sex toy anymore.
In addition, if he lays a hand on you, report it to the police. Physical abuse is only the start. One day an unlucky blow may cause you your life.
Do not continue in a relationship with him even if he cries blood. He has no respect whatsoever for you and there is no love to speak about.
While you are going through this hard lesson, I hope your family continues to lend support. Whatever happens, do not beg this man to support your child. He already knows he has a right to do so.
I’ve been informed that you can seek help from the family services section of the Welfare Department if it boils down to needing further assistance.
God will never put more on you than you can bear. After the baby is born, try to re-enter the world of work and, if possible, continue to further your education.
Hang in there and don’t lose hope.
– CHRISTINE
