Dear Christine,
I want to share my story with your readers and to let people know that sometimes while it does not appear that being a gentleman does not pay off, it actually does in the end.
I am a 40-year-old male who came to live in Barbados ten years ago. I have a 10-year-old daughter who lives abroad, but I am basically a single guy.
Last year April, I met a young woman who was visiting from one of the islands. We met casually while waiting in line at a restaurant and eventually ended up sharing the same table. She was a student at the time and was looking to return home within three months before settling back down to complete her studies.
Well, to cut to the chase, we started dating.
After two months into the relationship, this young woman wanted to know why I had not yet asked her for sex. I told her I respected her and was not the type of man to run into bed with every woman who came along. She seemed pleased with my explanation, but proceeded to ask me if I had another woman.
She returned to her country and came back six weeks later to resume her studies. During her time away, we kept in contact via Facebook, email and the telephone.
On her return to Barbados, we kept up our relationship – but still I refused to have sex with her, standing on the same principles I had previously discussed. I told her that while I desired her, I also wanted to respect her as a woman and not cheapen the relationship.
In January, she had to return home for two weeks due to a death in her family. When I met her at the airport, she appeared somewhat different and acted strangely, but I put it down to her recent loss.
A week after her return, I got a call from one of her friends, who told me she had no idea I was gay and that it was not fair to be gay and to lead her “friend” on to the point where I would not have sex with her.
Christine, I did not know if to laugh or cry.
I confronted my friend and asked her if she had been speaking about me behind my back. She informed me that what she understood must be true, since I had never made a move to get her into bed.
Christine, I thought I had made myself honestly clear to this woman.
I was brought up to respect women and to live a decent life. Is this what one gets for being honest and wanting to respect the woman you care about?
I ended the relationship. As much as I cared about this woman, I felt she had no faith or trust in me.
A week after I ended the relationship, I was at the very same restaurant where I once again met a wonderful Bajan girl. Christine, we hit it off immediately, and have been seeing each other for the past four weeks. Would you believe that on our third date this woman told me she does not believe in having sex for the sake of having sex, and that sex should be reserved until marriage? I know in this day and age abstinence is not being preached, but yes, not every man wants to bed every woman he meets.
Christine, I respect this woman to the max, not only because we share the sme ideals, but because we have the same values.
It’s hard trying to figure out what some women need. Do they need men who will ill-treat and use them, take them for a ride, lie and disrespect them? Or, do they need men who will cherish and respect them as well as their bodies?
Please print my letter so that women would know not every man is looking for sex. Sometimes, we just need a woman who will understand there is more to love and friendship than hopping into bed with every Tom, Dick and Harry who comes along.
– Kai
Dear Kai,
Thanks for sharing. After all the mail I receive about men not being “any good”, it’s refreshing to read your letter. I’ve printed it for all to see.
– CHRISTINE
