A couple of weeks ago my son asked me, “So mum, how does a baby get into a woman’s belly?”
Admittedly he caught me off guard, and I was surprised that a seven-year-old really cared about such a topic.
My first thought was to tell him about the stork, but somehow I didn’t think that cop-out would work on him. So I did the next best thing and told him to talk to his father – he could explain it better than me. It was cowardly, I know, but I needed time to compose myself and my answer. Besides, I thought to myself, I have time.
Ask any parent about a difficult subject to raise with their children and they will tell you sex. Having that discussion about the birds and the bees, especially when children start coming of age can be a difficult one for most parents to tackle, with many opting to avoid it.
But many experts will tell you that parents need to respond to their child’s curiosity level and understanding, depending on their age and level of maturity.
“The earlier you start the conversation with your children, the better,” says local mental health therapist Cherith Pedersen.
“Around three years of age children are exploring their bodies, so if they ask questions, you just keep it very matter of fact. As they get older you can explain to boys that sometimes they might have erections.”
Naturally the way you would speak to an eight-year-old is far different than how you would speak to an 11-year-old or even an adolescent.
While most parents opt to postpone this issue for as long as possible, many experts argue that the earlier those conversations are started, the better it is for you and the child.
When we talk to our children about sex, it’s important to keep our conversation age-appropriate.
If a five-year-old asks, “What is birth?” we might respond, “When a baby comes out of a mother’s body.”
If a ten-year-old asks the same question, our answer would have more detail and might begin with, “After nine months of growing inside its mother’s uterus, a baby comes out through her vagina . . . .
“Being age-appropriate is important, especially with older children,” Cherith said.
“Then you can go into more detail about getting wet dreams. When you’re discussing sex, it’s important not to make it seem bad but explain to children that having sex is very much an adult decision – and explain to them the dangers. While a lot of people stress the dangers, you should explain that ‘your body is growing but it’s better to wait’.”
When talking to adolescents, it’s best to be as upfront as possible, particularly about the repercussions of having sex, such as pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. So from the time a child is ready to enter secondary school, parents should be preparing to have that conversation.
“I think in our society there is this propensity to hide,” Cherith said.
“But it’s important to have these conversations and be open with your children. If you listen to the music that’s out there, it’s very sexual and suggestive.
“It’s not only talking to your children but having the conversation, making it comfortable for them to talk to you and trying to feel out where they are sexually.
“The more parents kind of monitor and have discussions, the less likely [children are] to engage in premarital sex.”