Dear Christine,
Let me begin by saying that I admire the advice you give in your column. Keep up the good work.
I am a young lady in my late 20s and I am in a state of confusion at the moment.
I am about to be married to my fiancé in a short while and still have some butterflies – here is why.
We have been together for four years and share a child together. He is a loving father and very great with our child. He cooks, cleans, listens and has lots more good qualities. What is troubling me at present is when we were first courting, he was still talking and hanging out with his ex.
He lied about it until I eventually found out in a message which she sent.
Also, a while ago we got into a heated argument and he went and hung out with some lady he claimed was a friend. He said nothing happened between them and we moved past that.
However, I have been thinking that maybe I should have let him go when he first did these things and maybe he is not the one for me.
I feel as though I have been short-changed in a sense and don’t know if I should get married to this man.
I feel as though I have made a mistake in having a baby with him and I am not sure if I am in love with him anymore.
I will admit that he treats me like a queen and makes sure I am comfortable in every way. He tries his best to take care of any responsibility and is set on making our relationship work.
Christine, this feeling of confusion has come on recently and all love for him has moved from within me. All I feel is resentment and regret.
I have been trying so hard to overcome it and get back to where we were but nothing seems to work.
We try our best to rekindle our relationship by taking romantic walks, staycations, date-nights and so on but nothing has worked thus far.
I have even taken up devotions where I am asking God to fill me with forgiveness. I am at wits’ end and it is very frustrating.
I sit sometimes and remember how good I felt to be in his arms in the beginning and how much I loved him and cannot believe that we have come to this.
Things have been going well the past two years but I just can’t seem to forgive him. Tell me what to do.
– A
Dear A,
You need to do just that – forgive him! I know it will not be easy, but you have to do it for your sake.
Deciding to harbour unforgiveness and resentment will make it so much harder for you to go forward.
I believe this unforgiveness has taken over your thoughts and proper reasoning.
If things have been going well for the past two years, this tells me that the problem right now is not with this man but with you to some extent, because of past incidents.
What you have painted is a guy who seems to have two different personalities – the good father and provider, and the unfaithful lover. Still yet, I see him trying to make things work.
As far as getting married to him is concerned, that is an entirely new case. You either love this man despite his unfaithfulness, or you don’t; only you can know that from your heart.
One of the best ways of finding out if he is “the one” is asking yourself whether you can live without him in your life.
If you can ask yourself that question and come up with an honest answer, then the puzzle would be solved and your mind would be at rest. In short, you’ll know what has to be done and what you need to do.
– CHRISTINE
