Dear Christine,
PLEASE DO NOT call me a traitor even though that is how I am feeling right now, but I need some advice from you about my situation.
My girlfriend of six years was seeing a man for two years before things turned sour and they broke up. She told me he had cheated on her and she decided to end the relationship.
Three months later, this same ex-boyfriend and I had a long talk, and he shared with me that the two of them broke up because he found out she was in a relationship with another guy he had actually met briefly at her staff party.
When I discovered this I was really taken aback because I never knew that my friend would have lied to me so openly.
Her ex told me he was still getting over the break-up but had decided to move on.
I confronted my friend about the situation without telling her from whom I got the information. She denied it at first, then told me it was true.
While all of this was happening, her ex was keeping in contact with me, and we kind of became good friends. One night he called and asked me to meet him at a local restaurant. I agreed and we had a really great time together. We even kissed.
Now, I am torn between my faithfulness to my girlfriend and seeing her ex. I believe things could become very complicated for me. What would you suggest I do? Ask her if it is okay for me to date him, or refuse to see him anymore?
– D.Y.
Dear D.Y.,
First and foremost, you’re not a traitor. It’s not like you deliberately set out to date your friend’s ex. However, I would caution you. While he does not have a label on him saying he belongs to any one person, he could be drawing closer to you because of the emotional attachment you have with his former girlfriend. You need to be able to spot the difference.
Remember, he is very vulnerable right now, and anything or anyone who reminds him of his ex could convince him that he still has a part of her even though she has ended the relationship.
On the other hand, some friendships are really precious. If you want to save the friendship between you and this woman, you may have to face her outright and ask her how she feels about your dating her ex. She’d feel betrayed if she discovered this any other way.
Also, decide for yourself if things could become a little complicated.
The ball is in your court, but hopefully I have provided you with some food for thought. The next move is entirely up to you.
– CHRISTINE
