It’s a toss-up on mornings between Carol on radio and Doug on TV. Carol keeps it bouncy with music and chit-chat. Doug scores big on birds and old Bridgetown but is a bit heavy on gum disease during breakfast. I personally dislike that blaring car horn which signals the traffic news… surely the Police Band could come up with a more pleasant Siebert’s Theme?
Anyhow, Carol caught my attention with the Oprah Winfrey Swiss bag story which I’m sure you know. Oprah asked to see a bag which the attendant felt might be too expensive for her. This was blown into a racism incident and the whole of Switzerland condemned. “Come to Barbados, Oprah”, said Carol, we’ll treat you right.
To her eternal credit, the eminently ensible Oprah now says she’s sorry about the fuss and doesn’t blame Switzerland in the slightest. Unfortunately this column had already been cranked up and I’m too lazy to back out now.
First, such incidents aren’t unusual in Barbados. I can recall two occasions where technicians in different fields (both white) told me up front “You couldn’t afford me” and wouldn’t give me a quotation. Same thing from a contractor whose equipment I wanted to rent.
A nice lady at that row of fruit stalls in Holetown did likewise when I asked the price of her mangoes. “You really don’t want to know,” she told me. They were obviously for tourists.
And just recently at the Welches branch of Marshall Trading, the attendant was reluctant to show me a pair of Size 9 rubber farm boots required for the wife. He did eventually but pointed out I could get much cheaper boots elsewhere.
Far from being offended at these incidents, which to my amazement never went viral on Spacebook or Twicker, I welcomed the timely advice. In fact, Marshall’s staff so impressed by the frank appraisal of their products that I have made several subsequent purchases there.
My take on the Oprah bag is that anyone who would pay Bds$76 000 for a handbag is a jackass. Oprah should take pleasure at being not so recognized.
I personally have little regard for those “high maintenance” women who need expensive adornments to get them noticed. My wife does carry a handbag for business purposes when delivering milk. When we’re going anywhere social, however, shetells me: “Put $40 in your pocket. I am not carrying a bag”. That way she doesn’t have to worry where to leave it.
Next item, we recently went, like, nine days without a drop of mains water. My daughter tried to save every drop she bathed with to put on the plants, while the wife planned to make a soup with hers. Makes one wonder what a real disaster would be like.
Bim is a water-scarce country. It ticks me off muchly to hear of a tourist who bathes three times a day and demands a clean towel for each bath. Towels at our home don’t get washed until they star getting sexually active with each other or the toilet plunger.
There was a bright side, however. After having not bathed or changed clothes for a week with armpit odours to match, NATION editor Toni Yarde phoned: “Hoadie, I’m in your driveway with a safari tour. Come on up!”
I tried to keep my distance. But it’s amazing what that overpowering, primaeval male smell does to a woman. Since then she’s been emailing me messages signed, “Sexy Yardie” and wants to send me her Crop Over pictures… Cool it, Yardie, the water’s back on.
Last thing, this CPL cricket has done more for West Indian unity than 40 years of CARICOM. Young Pollard deserves full Bajan citizenship. The cricketers look so much more trustworthy that I suggest we let them run the countries and send the politicians out on the field. Here would be a typical Tony Cozier commentary: “Kamla bowling to Stuart; Froon Froon ain’t mekking sport. Ralphie bent at the hips, admiring Suckoo in slips. Warner now like he vex, sending Umpire Nero a text: ‘Yuh mekkin’ way too much calls, whuh you expect from she, Mia come out to bat, taunting Kamla wid chat.
• Richard Hoad is a farmer and social commentator. Email [email protected]
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