Dear Christine,
I am tired but my husband has no time for me. He goes out every night and does not come back until the next day. This happens more often than not but when he comes back, he gives me his back when we are in bed. I am young and I have feelings. In fact, I am 27 and he is 32 years old.
He just wants me to stay in the house, clean and wash. He also wants me to change his clothing and go back out when he comes in. I had to let him know that the same way he can have other women, I can have someone as well because I am still young.
Christine, I find it hard to bear when all he does when he comes in is lie down by me and give me his back. This has been going on for three years.
When he is going out at night and I ask him where he is going, he tells me he is going to work, but I know that is not true. If I ask him to take me out, he’ll say he is going out to come back and I would not see him until around 3 a.m.
If I tell him I want something for the house he never has the money.
So tell me, what am I doing with a husband like that?
Before we were married he was very nice but since we got married he has changed. We have no children. I am relatively attractive and I am doing everything in the house to please him. I do not go out. Every time he comes home, I am there. I love my husband a lot but I just cannot stand the way he is treating me. I saw him with a woman in his car and when I asked him about it, he said it was a friend he was giving a drop to.
Dear Christine, please tell me what to do. I cannot take it anymore. He does not pay his bills and he does not want me to talk to anybody. Yet he is reluctant to have sex with me.
Please help me.
– WD
Dear WD,
I feel tempted to tell you your marriage was over three years ago when your husband stopped being intimate with you but because I believe there are some questions that need to be asked, I still think you should make one last attempt to salvage whatever is left of this union.
I note you said when your husband comes home he gives you his back. Are you telling me that unless he makes the first move, there is usually no love-making between you two? You also said you have no children. Sex and children usually go together and that’s not been happening between you two for the past three years.
I also note there seems to be a communication problem. It appears that you ask pointed questions and he supplies you with short answers.
Your current life is a pathetic one but it does not have to stay that way. You have obviously recognized the futility of trying to eke some kind of happiness out of this union because your husband is not a lover, provider, friend or companion. Yet I believe in second and sometimes third chances. Call me a fool if you like.
You need to make it clear to your husband that you are not prepared to live your entire life under these conditions. Right now you are just a prisoner and a servant.
If he cares about you, he will change. Ask him, for instance, if he would see a counsellor. Remember, you are trying to make things work. If he does not change after your last attempt to save this marriage, you might as well make a new life for yourself. If it is not possible to leave, find other interests.
I am not suggesting you get involved in another relationship; that would compound things even more. I’m thinking that you can join a service or church group that will help you mix with some caring and interesting people. Both of you are way too young to be living as you are. Charting your own course may be the healthier thing to do.
– CHRISTINE
