Dear Christine,
I am a regular reader of your column and always appreciate the advice you give.
I never thought I would write to you but I am too embarrassed to discuss my problem with any of my girlfriends because of the happy-go-lucky impression I always give them.
I am 35 years old and was going steady with my boyfriend, whom I love very much, for the past nine years, six of which we were engaged.
At first we thought about getting married quickly. We did not want to rent so we built a house which has been completed over a year and my boyfriend moved in.
He has hinted that I move in with him but I am always reminded that my mother lived with my father for 26 years and in the end he put her out, along with six of us, and married someone much younger.
We have talked about getting children and every year he says next year.
All of my friends have at least one child and when I see them my heart hurts for one of my own.
I can afford to support one of my own since I have a good paying job and consider myself to be a responsible adult.
I always give the impression to my friends that I am not bothered about not being married and not having a child, but Christine I am. I get very depressed when I am alone and recently have not been eating or sleeping well.
I do not seem to have the courage to discuss these subjects with my boyfriend although I am able to communicate freely about everything else. I am always wondering how my girlfriends got their husbands to propose but I am too ashamed to ask them.
I feel my boyfriend should be the one to bring up the subject.
Am I wrong?
– FRUSTRATED
Dear Frustrated,
I do not see why you cannot talk your problem over with your fiancé, but since you cannot for whatever reason, the next best thing would be to write him a letter. Lay bare your thoughts and don’t hold back anything. Six years is a long time to be engaged, and you’re not getting any younger, are you? Some people marry and divorce during that period.
I believe your “I-don’t-care-about-it attitude” is being viewed by your fiancé as an indication that you’re not in a hurry to walk up or down the aisle for that matter. That very same attitude you show to your friends is perhaps the same impression he gets.
I believe that by writing that letter he’ll get to see the real you, appreciate you even more and probably, even start planning that wedding.
– CHRISTINE
