DE MARKET VENDOR: The things I would do in case of war

A lady I got a lotta time for pose de question last week to de Vendor: Suppose de world was gine erupt into nuclear war in a week’s time, what you gine do?
I didn’t think too much ’bout de question, cause yuh wouldn’t want to waste precious time. I would get out de bucket list and go wild before de big climax; eat, drink and percolate; and blow de money. After all, yuh wouldn’t need it after seven days.
But, first tings first, I would fire de wuk. Dat would help Government reduce duh wage bill. Why waste time wukking when I could be partying? I?would tek out a nice Beemer, Benz or Audi, of course, pun terms from Globe, Signia or Consolidated. I hope dem know not to expect repayment; not dat I would be worried. The Water Authority, Light & Power, LIME and Digicel gine have some major receivables. Good luck!
I would tek a quick trip in Virgin upper class, check my favourite shows in de West End, beg High Commissioner Arthur to send de car to pick up de Vendor, stay in a fancy London hotel like Chancery Court, eating at de best of de best; play golf pun de Green Monkey, spray a few dozen balls in de lake, pass through Paris and Rome, if possible ask de Holy Father to pray fuh me. De new pope does call and talk to de ordinary man so politicians, tek note. He real popular!
Next, cash out all policies, savings accounts and annuities (pelt way de CLICO and BAICO ones; dem worthless and only good for toilet paper, if yuh short) and do as many things as possible pun de bucket list.
I would fire exercise, it’s a waste of limited hours; eat desert (oh loss, de bread pudding from Champers and Cin Cin to die for – yuh getting ready to dead, ain’t it?), let de cholesterol flow, put Richard Ishmael and Jeff Massey outa wuk, cruise in de new wheels, get some blue lights under de car and rims dat does spin when yuh stationary. I want ladies to go wild when dem see de Vendor coming!
I gine down Limegrove and straight to Jacob Hassid place, Diamonds International. I holding one of dem fancy watches wid names I can’t pronounce; let de bling flow. Next, stop by Louis fuh a few pairs of de fancy shoes, Ralph fuh some proper threads and EyeQ fuh matching eyewear. By de time de Vendor done, shops bout hey gine feel like dem get hit by a tsunami!
At de pearly gates dis is one time size gine matter; it gine be like de crowd at de gates fuh a Rihanna concert so I spending de last day in St Lucia atop de Pitons to get a good headstart pun de crowd. My size gine be forcing through dem gates ahead of de pack.
I just hope dat entry into heaven is not like trying to get approval fuh salaries fuh temporary Government workers in Bubbadus or approval fuh projects in dese islands. I hope Government workers not processing my entry documents cause, in dat case, I gine be in purgatory fuh a long time waiting pun de file to pass from dis officer to de next.
Peter, let de private sector handle dat job, ah beg yuh!
I wonder, though, why dis lady would ask me a question like dat? You feel she was listening to we Budget presentation a few weeks ago or maybe she remember today was almost doomsday 12 years ago?
I, Market Vendor, gone fuh now. You have a blessed and a wonderful day, yuh hear?