Dear Christine,
I RECENTLY ATTENDED a party, got drunk and made some bad decisions.
I let a guy take me to “his” room because he promised he wouldn’t do anything I wasn’t comfortable with.
Many times, I clearly said I didn’t want to have sex, and he promised that he wouldn’t.
Then he quickly proceeded to go against what he “promised”. I was shocked, and maybe being intoxicated made my reaction time a bit slow in realizing what was happening.
I guess my question is, if I wasn’t kicking and fighting him off, is it still rape? I feel calling it that is a bit extreme, but I haven’t felt the same since it happened.
Am I a victim?
– P.C.B.
Dear P.C.B.,
It appears that you are. First, you were a victim of your own poor judgement. Getting drunk at a party is a hazardous choice for anyone to make because of the likelihood of engaging iin unwise or unwanted sexual activity.
If this guy was also drunk, his judgement too was impaired.
No means no. If you said no beforehand, sex should not have happened. If you said no while it was happening, it should have stopped.
The key question is, did you consent or not? Any kind of nonconsensual sex, regardless of whether you were drunk or sober, is rape. Both parties must be conscious and willing participants.
You should get tested for sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy. If you know the guy, get him involved.
He must face the consequences for his actions, just as you are prepared to.
He may have done this before.
– CHRISTINE
