Why not have a man who has another woman? What is so wrong being involved with the man you love, even though you have to share him? If you have no problem with the restrictions involved in such a relationship, then whose business is it what you do?
Quite frankly, I think some people like to “juck” their noses in others’ business too much. And it is the gossip and rumour mongering which occurs that causes problems for the men and women in such relationships.
Married men being involved with women outside of their marriage has been happening for ages. The fact that it is so widespread and occurs in every culture worldwide tells you how powerful an emotion love is. Such is its power that it encourages people already committed to one partner to look beyond that and become involved with someone else when the opportunity arises.
I know a lot of supposedly Christian people will be offended by what I’m saying. They believe that marriage is sacred and no one should get between a couple. But sometimes, after people have been married for years, they realize they are just not compatible – they just don’t click.
However, because they stand to lose personally and financially big-time if they separate, they decide to stay in the marriage. That is when they try to find someone else to be happy with who would be willing to accept their home arrangement.
So though Christians may decry the need for a deputy in a relationship, it is a necessity in many cases. In any case, who are they to judge? They would be hypocrites if they denied this same thing happens inside churches.
I’m speaking out because there is too much criticism of this aspect of relationships without people ever hearing the other side. So this is the view of the other woman.
I became involved with my beau nearly six years ago and I love that man more today than before. I love him so much and want so much to be with him that even after all this time, I feel lonely when we are not together.
From the first day we met, we hit it off. And the more we talked, the more I loved him. What impressed me most about him was how honest he was. Not many men would disclose they are married if they have an interest in another woman. They usually lie.
But not my man. He stated clearly what the situation was and what I could expect. So I went into this relationship with my eyes wide open.
I love him because he makes me feel special. He listens to me, encourages me, discusses things with me and is just a great friend.
The sex is wonderful too, but we do that only about two or three times a month when we have the time to get together properly. So our relationship is not sexual.
And he does not support me financially – a usual assumption of people who dismiss these relationships. Actually, I make a little more than he does and as I have fewer expenses, I don’t need a cent from him. Nor do I take anything unless it is a gift.
I am with this man because in him I have a confidante, a knowledgeable friend who demonstrates he cares about me for who I am and we genuinely enjoy each other’s company.
Why is he with me? I know it is for the same reasons. He can relax and be his witty, fun-loving self. Besides that, we have similar interests so we always have something to talk about.
I know what I have is not ideal. I know, too, I may never have children as he already has two and is not keen on having another – though I am working on him in that respect.
Yes, I would want him for myself. Yes, I know that he does not belong to me and may never. But I love him and will remain with him nevertheless. I even reworked Luther Ingraham’s hit from years ago to express how I feel about him in song. It goes:
If loving him is wrong I don’t wanna be right,
If being right means being without him
I’d rather live a wrongdoing life;
My family may see it as a downright disgrace
But as long as I have him by my side
I don’t care what people say.
My friends tell me there’s no future
in loving a married man
If I can’t see him when I want to
I’ll see him when I can;
If loving him is wrong I don’t wanna be right.
If trying to hold on to the best thing I ever had makes me wrong,
I don’t ever wanna be right.