Friday, April 12, 2024

DE MARKET VENDOR: Wuh Bajans got to be happy ’bout?

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Apparently, I am unhappy and my Trini brethren are happy. In fact, according to the United Nations, Trinis are de happiest people in the Caribbean, coming in at 31 out of more than 150 countries surveyed!
How come Trinis happier than we? Dem have Jack; we don’t have a fella to match Jack. Dem have oil; we have sand. Dem have airline; we had REDjet. Dem had de finals of de CPL; we get beat in de CPL. Dem have CCJ headquarters and not even members of CCJ! Dem have a commissioner of police; we have none. Dem have two islands; we have one. Dem could take a joke; we does bring lawsuit if yuh mek a joke.
When a Trini stay in my house I need a mortgage to pay de next light bill. Dem does leave de AC on de whole time and when yuh stay by dem, hear dem: “We does just leave de ting on Baje, electricity cheap.” Damn show-offs! 
So dem happy. Happy wid de crime, happy wid de corruption. Dem does go to wuk when dem feel, leave when they feel; dem don’t tek on stress.
Now, why we so unhappy in Bubbadus dat we can’t even mek de bottom of the list of happy countries?
School just start and already de teachers not happy. In week one? UWI students not happy ’cause free education done as of next year; home-owners damn unhappy because dem now got to pay municipal tax; vendors in town not happy dat de police move dem from Swan Street; pharmacists unhappy cause business fall off plenty since Government introduce a fee fuh using private pharmacies.
Darwin Dottin cannot be happy; over 200 LIME employees going home; can they be happy? Depends pun de separation package. Parliamentarians quarrelling in Parliament; dem cannot be happy. Sir Roy [Trotman] not happy wid Esther [Byer-Suckoo] and Esther not happy wid he neither. Dairy farmers unhappy wid de dairy; de dairy unhappy wid Government!
We got an organization devoted to teaching we how to be NISE. Visitors say we don’t smile enough and dat Immigration and Customs officers don’t smile. Wha dem got to smile ’bout? Wunnah coming pun holiday; dem got to get up early to work at de airport and yuh want smiles too? Captain Ian Brunton of LIAT cannot be a happy man. Wunnah feel dat Chris Sinckler happy now de Budget done? Where all dis unhappiness come from?
And as fuh Trinidad, wunnah come 31st dis time. Last time wunnah was number five. Imagine if dat was a report card, allyuh tink wunnah parents woulda been happy wid wunnah?
And as fuh de United Nations, de Vendor, real unhappy. I unhappy dat wunnah can’t do nothing bout a murderous regime in Syria but got money to burn, money dat poor countries like mine paying de UN.
Explain, Mr Ban Ki Moon, how millions of people could be dying of starvation, a human disaster could be in Syria and you got money each year to survey whether people in 171 countries in de world happy. I unhappy ’bout dat.
Mr Ban, I unhappy in my present job. How can I get one of those jobs checking on people’s happiness? I would be happy just wid piece or peace – spelt either way!
• I, Market Vendor, gone fuh now. You have a blessed and a wonderful day, yuh hear?

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