I am hoping as I write this letter that you’ll be able to help me with my situation.
I have been with a married man for almost a year. I tried hard not to fall in love with him, but I failed miserably. I believe he loves me too. He says so. He says he’ll do anything for me, but he will not leave his wife. When I ask him if he loves her, he says, “I suppose so.” However when I ask him how he can love two women at the same time, he says he can.
Christine, I’ve tried breaking up with him but after a few days we get together again. This is telling on my nerves because we have to meet in secret places which are somewhat dangerous. When we are in some of those out-of-the-way places I am not relaxed at all.
Our conversations are done mostly on the telephone and sometimes in the middle of a telephone conversation he would start saying things that have absolutely nothing to do with what we were talking about. I take the hint then that his wife has entered the room.
Whenever I try to make a break I find it hard to sleep. I cry easily and he is always on my mind. How do women in my situation find the strength to break away from such relationships? I don’t seem able to get it done. Please help me.
First you need to have a made-up mind. You need to make a decision and stick to that decision. Every great journey starts with one step, but if you retract after taking that step, you’ll never be able to make the whole journey.
I know it is absolutely clear to you that you have no right whatsoever with this married man and he has no right with you. That truth alone should give you the drive you need to garner all your energy and get out of that uncomfortable and stressful relationship. Sex is as much a physical act as it is a spiritual act, and it’s sometimes because of the spiritual act that breaking up is hard to do. The spiritual side of sex is much deeper than most people realize.
Try putting yourself in the place of this man’s wife’s and tell me how you would feel if you were in her position. I believe what you would not like for yourself, you should not like for another person.
Next, start seeing this man for whom he is – a cheater who is cheating on his wife and cheating you of a freedom you will never know if you continue to meet him in dark, solitary places.
Take a careful look at your life and ask yourself if you cannot do better. Then, stop holding on to what does not belong to you.