Dear Christine,
I am a 35-year-old executive with a five-year old son. I am also a divorcee.
The problem I am having is that an old boyfriend I dated from secondary school heard about my divorce – which became final only 11 months ago – and he has reappeared on the scene. Okay, of course I started to talk with him [no commitments] but now he is asking me to marry him.
Quite frankly, I am not in the least bit ready for another serious relationship. My ex-husband and I were together for 12 years. After several years of heartbreak, infidelity and trauma, I have just got my life back in order.
I told my old boyfriend we should start slowly and keep our 20-year friendship as it was, but he won’t take no for an answer.
Please don’t get me wrong. I really like this guy but I think he is rushing things too quickly. Exactly how do I let him down gently without jeopardizing our friendship?
– Sandy
Dear Sandy,
I believe it’s quite possible that your boyfriend from the past does not want to risk the chance of losing you again. Sadly, at the same time, by putting pressure on you to marry him, he still stands the chance of losing you. In other words, he’s going about this the wrong way.
It’s only fair that after a divorce you’ll want time to regain your balance and steer your life in the direction you want it to go. Right now your child is your priority and you must determine what’s best for him.
Be firm. Let your friend know it’s either he will respect your wishes and take things slowly, or stand the chance of losing you altogether. It’s also your prerogative whether or not to be available when he comes calling.
– CHRISTINE